Sunday, August 21, 2016

"Sleep Well, Baby Whale..."

That I think was a book title I read to my kiddos once upon a time....

and that time seems so long ago.

Yes I do have three fabulous kiddos and yes this blogpost is going to be about just one, but not really.

Tomorrow morning I will drive my youngest to her first day of Kindergarten, and as I sit here I am a complete wreck.

Not  one bit is because of Kindergarten. She will be fine. Even though she said to me tonight moments before she closed her eyes, "I'm nervous Mama" and then I know just because she was able to articulate that emotion, I know shes ready.

Tomorrow is not only her first day but also mine. Tomorrow signifies the end of journey of what at some point felt like 10,000 years and 100,000 thousand miles but was truly 10yrs.

The oldest original princess will have her last first day of school on Wednesday.  Yes my kids are at different schools this year, that is a post for a different day, and yes I'm talking about the youngest going to kindergarten and I'm talking about the oldest and really to tell you the real meaning of what I'm trying to get across I need to talk about my son as well. Because this is not just a story about a mom feeling sad  about kindergarten, this is a journey through infertility.

Thirteen years ago we put our oldest on the bus for kindergarten, at the time she was our only and every infertility doctor in Pittsburgh had told us that getting pregnant would not happen. We married young so at that moment in our life we were not even candidates for becoming adoptive parents. So as I watched that bus pull away, there was a distinct possibility that it would be the only first day of kindergarten I would ever see. For whatever reason I knew deep in my soul differently, that our family would grow someday, somehow, in someway.

Seven years ago we were told we would become adoptive parents, to the most beautiful, most energetic little man with the best pinching cheeks a mother could ask for, on his first day of kindergarten I drove them to school (his big sister in tow ) dropped them off parked in the parking lot and watched them walk in, and possibly sat in the parking lot wondering if I was doing the right thing!

You see our family did not come together in what most would call traditional in any way, and when people ask, strange insensitive questions about the ages and ethnicity of my children I truthfully answer (unless you ask me on a really snarky day, then I may tell you I have three baby daddy's' ) this was God's plan not ours.

Because it was. 100% hands down. My kids needed each other. Exactly they way they are, they needed each other in ways I could never understand until we lived it. The needed each other for reasons I won't bore you with but knowing that truly keeps me going on the tough days.

So yes I have three kids and I have been a mother for 17yrs but I have only been a mom to three for
6 yrs and I am quite honestly really sad to see this part of parenting end,  everyone in school and making more steps towards leaving me forever.... (ok a bit dramatic I know, its probably the wine talking ...)  I still pinch myself to see if this is really my life, because for a decade I thought maybe this dream would never happen. A dream of motherhood and a larger family? Shocking I know, but that was my dream.

The time has gone so fast, and I truly know that the rest will go even faster, so I'm going hug squeeze and kiss them goodnight because I know before I finish writing this it will someones last first and they will be ready even If I'm not, because they will be ready to set out on the next adventure.

I'm not alone right?

Hang in there Mama Bears!

~Brandee






Sunday, July 3, 2016

I'm Free!!!!

From my mind anyway, the cobwebs have lifted and the words have started to flow....

Check it out!

http://goo.gl/KY8GiY




Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Man Behind the curtain....

Those of you who have survived all my years on facebook and blogging intermittently know so much of our life. Although I have tried to paint a much clearer picture than just the highlight reel, there is only so much you can share that people will actually read about without blocking or unfriending, right? You are all here still, right I think?? Buhler, Buhler ???  

So today I need to take you behind the scenes just a little….





Nearly twenty years ago I met a boy. He smiled and his eyes lit up the room, he had the tightest circle of amazing friends, that he still has to this day.   More then that however he was driven and set out to accomplish a list of goals I had completely given up on even considering. Then and now he operates on less sleep than anyone I have ever known in my life, because he has the drive to see things through to completion. This is about the boy who quickly became the man I could depend on, that never gave up on me, who has held my hand, through some painful, awful, amazing crazy Shit!

He has supported me through so much, crazy job changes, marathon training, nursing school, the crazy mood swings of infertility drugs, hormone injections, too many surgical recoveries to count,  not too mention held my hand through unimaginable grief we pulled through together on the other side to this crazy life as a party of Five we  now have.  

The entire time we were building this crazy life he was also building a career, when most people our age solely focused on career building, he was balancing family, making a name and building a reputation in his field. Finding a way to be at all the kids games, volunteering to coach and playing epic games of uno.  The drive was there but the timing in our family life just wasn’t quite right.

After more than a decade of planning and growing our family we have entered a different stage of our lives together.  So now it's his turn!

We have a tendency to take giant leaps of Faith, so its seemed to be the best way to start 2016!  Operation be your own boss has begun, and I am so proud to annouce that  
My Husband is now the Proud CEO, CTO, CFO  and currently sole owner and employee of  KarlaSoft Consulting.

This new journey is just the beginning, congratulation baby,  I am so proud of you!



Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I am Coffee - I think or at least I'd like to be!

Tomorrow is October 15, Stillbirth, Miscarriage and pregnancy loss remembrance day. 1 in 4.

Nearly 8yrs ago we experienced a pain that I'll never forget and wish I keep any other family from ever feeling. It changed us, even our then 8yr old daughter, but I truly feel we became a better family on the other side.

Six months ago we went through an expected miscarriage, its strange to think I could be sitting here hugely pregnant at this moment.

Reading through our remembrance blog, www.babyrentz.blogspot.com  and I came across this stories from years ago.

I hope that I am coffee....


A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling.It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.Her mother took her to the kitchen.She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil.In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.''Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled eggFinally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water.Each reacted differently.The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak The egg had been fragile.Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.The ground coffee beans were unique, however.After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.'Which are you?' she asked her daughter.'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?Think of this:Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?Or am I like the coffee bean?The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?How do you handle adversity?Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes a long their way.The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;


Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Who are you ?

Four years ago when I started trying to lose some weight, it wasn't about a bathing suit, vacation or really even getting back a post baby body, it was just about feeling comfortable in my own skin again. 

My journey into motherhood has always brought with it this crazy antiquated notions of who I am supposed to be or who I should be or more legalistically who  I can't be or what I shouldn't do. 

Do I look like the right kind of mom, do I dress like the right kind of mom, stylish and trendy but not too trendy. 

So four years ago post the craziest whirlwind year of becoming an adoptive mom and giving birth while teaching our then 12yr old only child daughter how to become a sister, and surviving a layoff as a single income family, I decided I needed to feel like me again whoever that was. 

I tried going to the gym like I had always done, it was a challenge with our new larger family, somedays getting the kids into the playland was more of workout then I actually got from being at the gym. I tried running which I formerly lived doing more then anything but the extra weight made this a bit uncomfortable. 
I'll leave a for more pieces out for now but I eventually found Beachbody and challenge groups and that crazy online support community really helped me in so many ways ! 

And it has again led me to a great group of woman supporting each other - 
It's not just about being or getting skinny - it's about developing a network of support for wherever you are in your life today - and taking those people with you on the rest of your journey ! 

Do you need to find your people ?
Your lobsters ?? 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Sunday Prep Day!

Back to basics...

I love to cook, love to grocery shop, neither are fun or enjoyable while plagued with  an annoying cough. Plus although i did make the list mr mancave did the shopping this weekend and my sick self left a few things off of the list. 


Yes there is quite a bit of green in there but with good reason. 

Spinach - sautéed with eggs for breakfast, salads, add a cup to my shakeology for an extra boost, and my teenage daughters favorite spinach pesto!


Green leaf salad - kids request for lunches this week.

Hard boiled eggs- quick on the run breakfast, salad topping, after school snack for my son ( if I don't hide them he would eat them all in a day - no yolk! 😜 seriously though he doesn't eat the yolks.


Grapes- easy to wash prep and separate for snacks, lunches, slice up to throw on a salad. 

Last but not least my favorite quick healthyish busy family dinner trick

 - the rotisserie chicken! 

We buy one throw I chop it up portion it out for salads, tacos and my favorite chicken salad with Greek yogurt ! 

Is it the most healthy option ? Eh, could be better but I know this week I'm not 100% and its good choice !


What's on your menu this week ? 

Monday, January 5, 2015

The best Christmas..... Yet!

I really wanted to say ever... But I feel like that would be limiting the belief that we could achieve that again. It won't be the same, I know that but I will strive from now on for the same feelings of togetherness, joy and peace that we experienced this Christmas season. 

Ever since Caila was born her birthday has signified the start of the new year for us with her birth came a new life new beginning and once we celebrate her birthday each year it feels like ok let's get his year started ! 
So I'm a little late on the reflection but here it is anyway.


What made this year so magical ? 

Time - for the first time in our family life we were all home, no school or work for anyone the entire Christmas Break! 
No schedules, or rushing. Late night movies, midnight snacks and shopping Mario kart races and karaoke showdowns.

Ages and stages - 

I  am an only child, and we raised an only for 12yrs before we became a Party of 5 Christmas morning is quiet and quick, Christmas with  3 crazies is SO NOT QUIET and it's so awesome! 

The first few years of the party of five the age gaps made things a little separate !  girl things, boy things, baby things. This year family nerf gun battles I must say are pretty awesome. 

Peace - for so many years I didn't feel our family was complete and probably missed out on the magical moments those years held, I am trying very hard not to miss anymore and just savor every moment because it goes.... So.... Freaking.... Fast...

Along with all of these emotions came a tiny bit of sadness that keeps creeping in on me no matter how much I try to stomp it down!

The reality is I may not get another Christmas like this. A driving working teenager preparing for college, no guarantees of a long break from work for mr. mancave and I next year. 

Even so, I truly hope at least one of the kids again declares next Christmas "The Best Christmas Ever!" 

Happy 2015 May this be your best year ever !