Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Coming soon....
Some good stuff.... For tonight I'm sleeping and praying for my Grandmother who is in tremendous pain, and for my Mother who is tremendously exhausted and for my Father who has spent his nearly 60yrs of life - Sorry Dad- I haven't forgotten- surrounded by tremendously stubborn women! More tomorrow...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Happy 11 years !
We made it!
One more year. I was looking up anniversary gifts and we are now in the 11-15 year range. Officially this makes us old.
Brutal honesty... We had a rough summer. But life is full of Ebb & Flow right? Or to use a mountain bike metaphor from my one ride... You only get to enjoy the breeze on the down hill after you struggled on the climb to the top. Right now it feels like we are enjoying the breeze, and I'll be honest I really am hoping for a nice long descent.
Not being able to complete the adoption was difficult, another loss we had to process. Some may argue that we should be good at this now, but unless you become stone cold, which some may also argue that I have, It's still difficult to process. Caila sometimes I worry gets lost in all of this and then I wonder what she will take from our experiences into her adult life. Therapy I'm sure! Isn't that part of our jobs as parents to keep them in business?
Today is day one of the next 365. Nursing School ( How many Husbands would be willing to let their wives reinvent themselves as many times as I have) , a daughter starting middle school, and whatever else is around the proverbial bend.
We have been truly blessed as a couple, supportive families, beautiful daughter and really I would argue anyone on this point, the best friends (both near and far) that anyone could ask for!
Who knows what I will have to reflect on year in 12, but babe I wouldn't to take this journey with anyone else! I Love you!
Happy Anniversary!
And now to study ... So much for celebration.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Bright and Shiny
Phew!!!!!!!!!
I survived the first and probably easiest week. Good News is I'm not the oldest person in my class, by far which makes me happy. The greater news is that I managed to do relatively well on the first 3 exams. Even a greater plus or minus is that the newly acquired acne that showed up on my face this week kept all my 20 something counterparts from thinking that I looked old! : )
The next few weeks of Caila's summer vacation will be a little hairy for studying but It should work out by the time school starts for her.
Wednesday was our first clinical day and although we didn't really do anything other then tour the unit that we will be assigned to work on, it didn't keep the more experienced staff from continually commenting on how "Bright and Shiny" we all looked. My heart warmed a little from this statement because sometimes I wonder how much life has affected my outlook. There are days I know I sound jaded and there are also days that I get wrapped up in some of my anger or sadness of some of the loss that has surrounded us. Knowing that in a small group of 7 that I didn't stick out like a sore thumb and perhaps really still have some of that "Bright and Shiny" outlook of my twenties gave me a surge of energy.
I know that this will not be an easy program, it is going to mean sacrifice not only for me but for Rob and Caila as well. Hopefully they will both always know how much I love and appreciate that they are willing to walk this path with me. This week I walked away with so much knowledge and a glimpse of what the next 2 yrs will look like. Most importantly I came home at the end of the week still knowing this is where I need to be.
Hopefully with any luck I will still be Bright and Shiny when I graduate!
I survived the first and probably easiest week. Good News is I'm not the oldest person in my class, by far which makes me happy. The greater news is that I managed to do relatively well on the first 3 exams. Even a greater plus or minus is that the newly acquired acne that showed up on my face this week kept all my 20 something counterparts from thinking that I looked old! : )
The next few weeks of Caila's summer vacation will be a little hairy for studying but It should work out by the time school starts for her.
Wednesday was our first clinical day and although we didn't really do anything other then tour the unit that we will be assigned to work on, it didn't keep the more experienced staff from continually commenting on how "Bright and Shiny" we all looked. My heart warmed a little from this statement because sometimes I wonder how much life has affected my outlook. There are days I know I sound jaded and there are also days that I get wrapped up in some of my anger or sadness of some of the loss that has surrounded us. Knowing that in a small group of 7 that I didn't stick out like a sore thumb and perhaps really still have some of that "Bright and Shiny" outlook of my twenties gave me a surge of energy.
I know that this will not be an easy program, it is going to mean sacrifice not only for me but for Rob and Caila as well. Hopefully they will both always know how much I love and appreciate that they are willing to walk this path with me. This week I walked away with so much knowledge and a glimpse of what the next 2 yrs will look like. Most importantly I came home at the end of the week still knowing this is where I need to be.
Hopefully with any luck I will still be Bright and Shiny when I graduate!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Three Days
Three more days. Excited, nervous, and honestly scared s**tless. Taking this step is life altering & family changing. All for the better and not without stress.
We are officially now a 1 income family. I have never been the "breadwinner" but my income has always been our "fun money". So now we will attempt to pay off bills, keep our very active daughter in her favorite activities, put me through school and oh yes live a little, very very little.
So our mantra for the next 2yrs will be a tag line from Dave Ramsey "Live like no one else so later we can Live like no one else."
So this blog will now become our survival through nursing school, one income and the tweener years with our wonderful about to start middle school daughter. I hope you enjoy the journey with us!
We are officially now a 1 income family. I have never been the "breadwinner" but my income has always been our "fun money". So now we will attempt to pay off bills, keep our very active daughter in her favorite activities, put me through school and oh yes live a little, very very little.
So our mantra for the next 2yrs will be a tag line from Dave Ramsey "Live like no one else so later we can Live like no one else."
So this blog will now become our survival through nursing school, one income and the tweener years with our wonderful about to start middle school daughter. I hope you enjoy the journey with us!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Prayers are needed
Caila and I are visiting my family right now, hopefully I'll write all about when we return home in a few days.
Right now, I'm asking you all to pray~ For a family that Rob and I have never met~ most likely never will~ but we still find amazing~ You can read about them following the link below; then Pray like hell that miracles still exist.
Cancer Sucks.
Right now, I'm asking you all to pray~ For a family that Rob and I have never met~ most likely never will~ but we still find amazing~ You can read about them following the link below; then Pray like hell that miracles still exist.
Cancer Sucks.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Little Reminders
Life is funny that way. Or maybe I am just distracted and disorganized. Hmmm. I think I'll go with the first option.
Anyway, Life is funny. We make a choice, feel the freedom of moving on, not necessarily moving forward but definitely moving on. Then the little reminders that we should have expected to pop up keep coming. Should have expected because I filled out the paperwork, made the purchases etc., but those things get shelved somewhere in the back of a your mind when presented with a painful choice.
The jacket I was so excited to purchase in early spring that I had hidden in the back of a closet, the Immigration paperwork we were anxiously awaiting. Should have taken at least 3 months to receive approval we received in half that time. Making me wonder if I made the right decision; and I know that the right choice was made, but it still causes pain.
Anyway, Life is funny. We make a choice, feel the freedom of moving on, not necessarily moving forward but definitely moving on. Then the little reminders that we should have expected to pop up keep coming. Should have expected because I filled out the paperwork, made the purchases etc., but those things get shelved somewhere in the back of a your mind when presented with a painful choice.
The jacket I was so excited to purchase in early spring that I had hidden in the back of a closet, the Immigration paperwork we were anxiously awaiting. Should have taken at least 3 months to receive approval we received in half that time. Making me wonder if I made the right decision; and I know that the right choice was made, but it still causes pain.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Starting over.... Again.
The first question is will anyone read this? Since I am the possibly the world's worst blogger. Nearly two months.
Much can change in that relatively short length of time, and it definitely has. As I sit here trying to get all my thoughts into the blogosphere (sorryI'm not tweeting yet) I'm waiting for a return phone call. A phone call that will again change the direction of life the three of us. I could go into long emotional detail about how we arrived here;I could plainly layout the intellectual discussion that has occurred inside of me to find our family again in the land of uncertain futures.
I'm not sure that any of it really matters, to you the few readers left standing. The choice is the same. The outcome doesn't change so maybe fewer details are better.
Our Adoption Journey...... As I re-titled this blog months ago; is on hold. Our match is no longer a match and in the months since I last posted I've had time (maybe too much) to try and search and dream and reason. Gathering my composure a bit before I shared with our small blogging world.
Yes there is a story to tell, but I'm not sure I can tell it now. We are not sure the direction we are headed as a family, what is best for all of us at this point. What I do know is that a beautiful boy in the Philippines will not become a part of our family, but he will always be a part of our hearts. The journey we have been on over the last decade has not been easy. Pieces of me have been left along the road on the way, some have been completely obliterated and maybe if I really step back and look I can see the pieces that I have picked up along the way.
Time away gaining perspective may make those things easier to see. Perspective is really what I need most right now.
There are many friends that we owe thanks along this journey, if I haven't told you in person please accept my deep felt gratefulness for listening to my ramblings, excitement fear along the way. Had it not been for each of you we could not have made this decision with even the smallest bit of peace.
So for now I am counting down the days of my current profession, and looking towards beginning my journey in Nursing School. Caila is marking off the days until we take our girls only trip to see my family, and I'll leave with a quote from something I came across and maybe with a little perspective I will truly be able to feel this way....
"A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus. Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified. Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway of life." - Celia Luce
Much can change in that relatively short length of time, and it definitely has. As I sit here trying to get all my thoughts into the blogosphere (sorryI'm not tweeting yet) I'm waiting for a return phone call. A phone call that will again change the direction of life the three of us. I could go into long emotional detail about how we arrived here;I could plainly layout the intellectual discussion that has occurred inside of me to find our family again in the land of uncertain futures.
I'm not sure that any of it really matters, to you the few readers left standing. The choice is the same. The outcome doesn't change so maybe fewer details are better.
Our Adoption Journey...... As I re-titled this blog months ago; is on hold. Our match is no longer a match and in the months since I last posted I've had time (maybe too much) to try and search and dream and reason. Gathering my composure a bit before I shared with our small blogging world.
Yes there is a story to tell, but I'm not sure I can tell it now. We are not sure the direction we are headed as a family, what is best for all of us at this point. What I do know is that a beautiful boy in the Philippines will not become a part of our family, but he will always be a part of our hearts. The journey we have been on over the last decade has not been easy. Pieces of me have been left along the road on the way, some have been completely obliterated and maybe if I really step back and look I can see the pieces that I have picked up along the way.
Time away gaining perspective may make those things easier to see. Perspective is really what I need most right now.
There are many friends that we owe thanks along this journey, if I haven't told you in person please accept my deep felt gratefulness for listening to my ramblings, excitement fear along the way. Had it not been for each of you we could not have made this decision with even the smallest bit of peace.
So for now I am counting down the days of my current profession, and looking towards beginning my journey in Nursing School. Caila is marking off the days until we take our girls only trip to see my family, and I'll leave with a quote from something I came across and maybe with a little perspective I will truly be able to feel this way....
"A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus. Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified. Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway of life." - Celia Luce
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
