Ramblings of a 30 something Mom...

.....till I"m one hundred mommy?

2011-10-07T06:07:00.000-07:00

This blog has fallen not just way down on the priority list, but at this point completely of the list all together. I love to write just trying to find the time is somewhat of a challenge. Maybe if I had an i something laying next to my bed at night I would magically find the time..... hmmm hint hint, Christmas is coming.

Today though I had to squeeze in a moment between loads of laundry and a sleeping baby to let you all in on our celebration from yesterday. (photos not included- yet)

We are done. With meetings, paperwork, clearances, tax forms(Fyi- if you or someone you know might ever be interested in adoptiong- KEEP EVERYTING!). We just get to be us, a family. And although Kaden has been ours for the last 15months. He is no longer a permanent resident with an id card. He is an American Citizen with a US birth certificate.

Yesterday we went to Adoption Court. We promised to love, protect, mold and give him a moral compass. Rob and I had to raise our right hands and swear to do these things which we would do even if no one had asked us.

Perhaps my favorite part of the day was when our Attorney asked if Kaden was present and with all that he has learned in Kindergarten this year he stretched his arm up so high and with the biggest smile said "here I am".

Late last night as Caila has always done, and Kaden now does, and I suspect Sofie will someday do as well, Kaden asked my why we raised our hands. I told him that Daddy and I promised to love him for one hundred years, and to teach him to be good to himself and others. And then we went along with our normal bedtime routine.
Rob was picking up Caila from soccer so Sofie gave kisses and hugs (more like slobber & smacks) and I gave him kisses and hugs having moved on from the conversation of what had happened today and we began talking about what we would do tomorrow. Then one last kiss and I turned out his light.... Kaden rolled on his side said goodnight and I could almost hear his thoughtful pause.....

.... "Till I'm one hundred Mommy?"

how do these kids know how to get the tears more then any made for tv movie?

" Yes buddy, till your one hundred!" One last hug and out the door I went.....

Wednesday, Wednesday

2011-03-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but sometimes Wednesday's for me are worse then Monday.

Yes, of course Monday stinks because its back to the grind, the routine of the work/school week. Wednesday sometimes is overwhelming, especially as spring sports and kids activities begin to get underway, because you are in the countdown of what's left to be done before the chaos of the weekend begins.

In the midst of the chaos of the week I received a little pick me up in the mail:

A fun little bag of beauty products from Target, accompanied by many coupons, which the original princess will quite willingly take into her possession for this weekends soccer trip.

How did I get this simple yet fun pick me up in the mail you ask?

Simple, over the past few weeks I have become obsessed with coupons, deals, sales, freebies. I have searched, printed and signed up for more things in the past 2 weeks then probably the last 5yrs. All in the name of trying to learn to budget and save.
Stop, I hear the collective sigh now.
Yes I am 30 something and just now figuring out how to do those things.
Now its necessity, especially in my new chosen profession of home economist. Hopefully along the way I'll find some deals to share with you.

Brandee

What is this blog about anyway?

2011-03-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

Trying to decide what this blog is about is sort of like trying to figure out who I am now, or really what kind of Mom I am now.

The blogging journey has taken me from infertile mother, to grieving mother, to adoptive mother, to new mother, not to mention mother to a nearly teenager.

My attempt at blogging began nearly 4 years ago when we were pregnant with Carter. Then when we seemingly closed the door on biology and depart on our adoption journey I came here. In the midst of all of that was nursing school and my subsequent withdrawal, a high risk pregnancy, and a stressful adoption. So here we are standing on the other side of all of that and I ask myself - "Who are you now?"

I'm not sure I'll really ever be able to fully answer that question, but I don't really want too, I hope to keep learning and growing. Hopefully I brought a little bit of all of those parts of me along and it will make for a better me, a better Mom, Wife, daughter and friend.

One thing I am sure of is my focus. I have spent the better part of the last decade trying to figure out what kind of job I want to have outside of our home, and although I'd like to think I'll get back to nursing school one day, for now that's on the back burner.

The goal now is to be home, for my kids, for my husband, and really honestly for me. But really who am I kidding?, It's 2011 and the world seems to be on fire so hopefully I'll find a way to make a contribution or at least find ways to save money in the process... or maybe you'll just listen to me ramble...

So for now I'll say goodnight, although I'm not sure how good, the original princess swears there are stinkbugs in her room, and they are nowhere to be found, so sleep is pretty far off.

Hugs!

Brandee

Four Months

2011-03-09T21:34:00.000-08:00

I know nothing for months now 2 in one day.... Not my Favorite picture from today, but gotta love the hair while its still here.

Miss Sofie's list of accomplishments at 4 months:

Rolling from Belly to Back

Squealing in absolute delight

grabbing blankies and chewing on them

grabbing toys and chewing on them

grabbing....well everything and slobbering

Sitting up in her pod chair while we eat dinner

Smiling with facial recognition ( my absolutely most favoritist thing)

Babies are so much fun!

Six and Sick...

2011-03-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

If you were to ask me what my favorite Holiday is I would say without hesitation Birthdays. Other peoples birthdays that is, specifically my Kids.

A year ago today we sat at the very computer I am typing away on and sang Happy 5th Birthday to our son who was half a world away. Today this Mama was able to sing him Happy Birthday up close and personal, on the couch, on the floor, in his bed, or even in front of the toilet for today on his 6th birthday the first Birthday Celebration with us he was sick. Luckily his party isn't until Friday and hopefully he will be on the mend by then. I'm also praying that the remaining healthy ones (Rob, Sofie and Myself) will refrain from sharing in joy of this illness and manage to eek out the weekend sick free! ( Caila has become so good at being a sister she is even sharing illnesses now but she is thankfully on the mend)

Today begins a year, his sixth year. A full year where every day of it he is ours and we are his. So that next year when his birthday rolls around I can say do remember on your birthday last year when you were sick ? A year full of memories begins today.

Happy Birthday Kaden Chih- Fu we love you and are so blessed to have you as our son.

Love-

Mommy

Life in the mancave, version 2011.

2011-01-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

Its Crazy here, loud, chaotic, stressful. And I'm loving every minute of it, well most of them anyway. I would on somedays go back to Mojave desert and wake to a rattlesnake in our garage, then wake a 12year old for school. But like I said I'm loving life as a mom of three, except for maybe that one moment monday-friday.

Puberty - Preschool & Pampers - Thats our life.

Puberty- hmmm... as mentioned above we have entered the twilight zone of sleep, and her teacher just informed me that my biggest concern for her going to middle school next year is her beauty because boys are noticing her.... The NRA sticker for my car should arrive any day now...

Preschool- Well sort of... Kaden- or Chih Fu Kaden as he likes to be called now- will start Kindergarten in the next weeks. This will be his version of Preschool as he will be doing a full year of Kindergarten next fall. He is somewhat excited, I am scared to death. Communication with our son is growing leaps and bounds friends are commenting frequently how clear his english is becoming, which is fantastic for nearly 6months. However I fear that he holds his feelings in and isn't quite able to express those yet and that he is bottling them up so yet another change for him could be stressful for our little man. Most moms' get 5yrs to prepare to send the kiddos to that first day. We've had 6 months, I hope he knows how much we love him.

and finally.....

Pampers - Size 1's to be exact. Our little peanut is growing. How much? Not quite sure her 2month check is tomorrow, My guess is around 10lbs and 21inches. She's smiling quite a bit and making adorable noises.

Its crazy how much one family can change in a year. I can't wait to see where this year takes us...

Hugs~

Brandee

Thanksgiving Reflection

2010-11-28T20:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, a picture really is worth a thousand words....

Happy 2 week Birthday

2010-11-24T07:01:00.000-08:00

One Day late. Happy 2 week Birthday baby girl! I can't believe that 2 weeks have passed. I had this idea of a writing her birth story and have sat down in some few quiet moments to write but haven't quite been able to finish it, and for the lack of time I am truly thankful. Because that means I am snugly with our baby girl or wrestling our crazy boy, or discussing life as it relates to 11yr old girls.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers along the way. We truly have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Brandee

Through a Child's Eyes

2010-11-03T13:25:00.001-07:00

Is how I need to remember to view life. Not just through our 5yr old son who is filled with wonderment at well really everything, but also through the eyes of our 11yr old daughter who is in this really confusing am I kid or almost a grown up part of adolescence, and then hopefully any day, really hopefully any minute now through the eyes of a our newborn daughter.

*If I could just get my Parents & Grandmother to move east we would have the entire life cycle covered* No pressure, not even a little, well maybe.... and since you have a new I mean old Governor.... well I'm just sayin'... *

Sorry I got a little off track for a moment....

- Side note- At one point in my life I made the statement " I want to be a middle school teacher because.." I don't remember the reason why, but if you teach between grades 5-9 seriously God Bless You! and I really hope that parents tell you this frequently.

So my prego brain is all over the place... but here is where I was really "heading"....

Sunday night was trick or treat and really for the first time ever we all went together ( thanks to grammy and kiby). Caila was loving the big sister role and I think just enjoying the family time and Chih-fu was full of wonderment and smiles from ear to ear. Every person, every house, every treat he received was proudly shown. The best part is that he only seems to like M&M's and Kit Kats so it really hasn't been a fight to keep the eating to a minimum. The worst part (for me anyway) is that he freely shares his treasures with everyone.
Caila did seem more excited about giving treats to the little ones in the neighborhood this year, which made me a bit sad, however I did inform her that she will indeed be required to dress up until she's at least 16 so I can have pictures of all our kids in costume.... which reminds me, just wait until its time to see Santa this year, and for the next 10, I bet she will looovvveee that one! :)
The one thing that neither Rob or I ever contemplated was the ridiculous amount of candy you end up with when you have multiple children. So I've decided I will become great friends with my nurses next week and we are taking in a bag of chocolate just for them.... on top of bringing them with donuts (thanks to Mike & Nicole's bakery recommendation..) No we are not above bribery to ensure great hospital care!

And yes I did say next week. Unless she appears on her own this weekend we will be induced on Tuesday. Crazy to think where we've come from and now she has to be evicted instead of moving out on her own.
So next Thursday, I will be sitting here with our baby girl, as a family of 5... crazy...

Brandee

ps.. I'm hoping to add some pictures tonight... but no promises!

Dear Baby Girl~

2010-10-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

It has been a long and blessed 9months. First discovering that you existed, and that I indeed was not dying from one of a list of ailments I had pulled from my nursing school books. Then
the fear of making it beyond where we lost your angel brother. Decisions beyond decisions had to be made that altered the path that we were on, wondering daily if I bent this way or that what the consequence would be. Staying home to keep you growing while Daddy, your big sister Caila, Grammy & Kiby brought home your big brother ( who really isnt quite so big as we realize he doesnt exceed many of the weight limits on your baby things).

Prayers, Tears, Doctors willing and able to listen to our concerns & fears. Friends and family that have put up with us along this not only 9month but decade long journey... and here we are, more pregnant then ever.

We are ready and waiting your arrival ~

xoxo

Mommy, Daddy, Caila & Chih-fu

Happy so long Cerclage day...

2010-10-19T08:11:00.000-07:00

For the last 22weeks it has been my(our) lifeline. Today we say so long.... and then wait.

The wait could look like this ..... or this.....................................................................................................
No one knows what baby girl has in store for us. The Cerclage may have made her so warm and cozy she may wait another 3wks or she may have been knocking on the door the entire time and be happy to move out sometime this week.

Whatever she and my crazy messed up reproductive parts decide we are in the home stretch which has me once again feeling like I'm having an out of body experience. Rob and I have had all of these milestones in our mind to get through and each time we made it through one a small weight was lifted. Standing at the doorstep of delivery is amazing and crazy all at the same time.

Crib is up, clothes are washed, swing is together Chih fu is enjoying all the new baby things around and has even asked to use some of them and hes done great with understanding that things like swings bouncy seats and bassinets are for baby. However in truth he doesn't exceed the weight limit for most of the baby things, and only surpasses the weight limit on the infant car seat by 2 lbs!

So off we go in an hour and then from their we wait.... but that's OK - these days have been a decade in the making... I suppose we can weight another 20days if she chooses, but tomorrow would be OK too!

Brandee

Happy 1/2 birthday!

2010-09-09T14:32:00.001-07:00

Today our son is 5 1/2 yrs old. We sometimes do goofy things for Caila's 1/2 birthday, but its kind of hard to explain to Chih-fu that today is his 1/2 birthday. So this is how we celebrated:

"McJanka" I have no idea if I'm even close to spelling that correctly, but thats what he says everytime he spies the golden arches... I must disclose however its not the only reason we went there, he had to have massive amounts of bloodwork drawn today, nothing major just routine adoption physical, so we promised "McJanka" right after.

Sorry no pictures, camera battery failed me today...

Happy 1/2 Birthday Chih-Fu!

OMG

2010-09-07T10:50:00.000-07:00

30 weeks is really here. I can't believe it! Well really I can the restless legs swollen feet, loss of ankles and belly that seem to get in everyones way are a good reminder(plus the baby that wakes in utero to the sound of alarm clocks???? I'm thinkin' that's not a good sign..) but really being this pregnant is truly something I had given up on.
Technically we have 10weeks to go, however my Cerclage which I firmly believe has kept in her safe and sound will be removed in 6weeks, and my weekly injections to stop pre-term labour will also be discontinued at that time. So, in my mind its 6weeks and counting... So anywhere from October 19th to November 8th could be D day. I have had many long talks with baby girl and she is well aware of her need to start packing her bags around the 22nd.

I'm hoping add a picture later but for now I am off to enjoy some quiet time... Caila's at school and the boys are on their first Home Depot trip. Yikes!

Brandee

A different post then you are all waiting for...

2010-08-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends, Family, Blog followers and Facebook fans:

This is not quite the update you have all been waiting for, I had it planned out something like a week in pictures (not easy to work though with an incredibly busy 5yr old who we took to all of his first Drs visits this week- any tips on how to get a non english speaking 5yr old boy with definate likes and dislikes- to take medicine, please let us know! )

The first week in pictures I will hopefully work on this weekend. My second thought was to have Caila tell her story on becoming a big Sister (the good the bad and the ugly) in her words. She is a wonderfully talented writer and she seemed interested. My final thought was to title the post something like " One week & Eight More" meaning Chih-Fu's first week home and 8 weeks until baby girl with no name can begin thinking of arrival ( my cerclage will be removed at 36 weeks and then we just wait... )

All of these are great ideas if I do say so myself...

Today presented a different challenge, so here is my newly thought of title, think of it as a short self help magazine article you would see on a grocery store rack:

Life changes to avoid compiling into one 12 (or even 6) month period and how to cope if they occur...

I would start the article something like this:

Life change can be messy, be sure you are able to handle together anything that may be thrown at you when one spouse decides to pursue education, try and put family plans on hold for a period of time. Definitely do not pursue adoption, high-risk pregnancy and parenting a tween at the same time some pieces of the house of cards may begin to fall.

If you have no control over these events make sure to lean into your spouse for support and keep an open line of communication at all times. Most importantly thank your parents for giving you a strong upbringing that didn't make you afraid of stressful situations. Then maybe more importantly from a day to day aspect Thank your friends over and over and over again for their unfailing support during adoption meetings, pregnancy scares and preparing your formerly only child daughter for a sisterhood.

All the experts strongly suggest, no almost forbid adding any other life changes to the mix, even though your small house has now become even smaller, embrace it, you are a family wherever you are together space doesn't matter.

Then comes the last piece that all the books recommend. Once you have begun down the of significant life changing events it may be best to then keep job change far from your thoughts for a period of 6months to 1 year......... Unless you are the Mancavefamily.

We thrive on change, challenges, the unexpected it would seem... Because last Friday Robs company of 7yrs went through a round of layoffs, and he was part of them.

My overwheleming feeling of what we were being taught (specifically me at times) through our family growing leaps and bound this year was again that WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL! God has bigger plans for us and if we arent seeing them ourselves then he is certainly trying to help us see them.

We are so thankful for all the thoughts and prayers we have received along the way, and would be even more grateful for them now.

Trying just to breath~

Brandee

Coming Home

2010-08-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

Although I havent confirmed it verbally, the airline website confirms that they have indeed landed on US soil in Houston.

5hrs and 15 minutes till they land in Pittsburgh, 3hrs till I leave for the airport. I had this very heartfelt post thanking all of our wonderful, wonderful, friends and family for helping us get here, but just letting the emotion run around my mind was a little more then I can get through typing without probably shorting out my computer. So Thank you.

The Journey to a family has been long, and yes our son will be home tonight but its really just the beginning. I'm not sure what the next few weeks will hold for us, but I do know that tonight I will get to hold my new son, embrace my daughter in her new role as a sister and welcome home my husband with open arms....

See you in a few weeks, Thanks for sharing the journey with us!

Brandee

Have Visa - Will Travel

2010-08-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

Hello again from Taiwan...

This post is a little overdue, but I haven't had much time and the internet has been very spotty for me. Our court date went very well - much different than I expected. Was called to one window to interview with a gentlemen regarding our paperwork. We had previously filled this out and scanned/emailed to Taiwan, so they had used those copies. I just had to sign in a few places and such. Then waited about 20 minutes and was called to another window, where I was interviewed and asked a few basic questions by an American lady. Raised the right-hand to make it official.

Then, Caila and I went back a few hours later and picked up his passport and visa - and that was that! We were officially legal to travel, but we had a few more days on vacation left. Caila got to visit the two landmarks she really wanted to - Tapei 101 (big tower in Taepei) and The Grand Hotel, both of which she loved. I've been dealing with a terrible sinus infection for the past few days, which Chih-Ful had/has a little of too. But I feel much better today as I write this (Monday morning).

So now we are off to a hotel 1 mile from the airport, as we have an 8:45 Tues morning flight out of here. As you all are sleeping on Monday evening, we'll be in the air flying across Russia and Alaska heading for Houston, before getting into Pittsburgh Tuesday evening.

Thanks to all for your thoughts and prayers - keep em coming - its gonna be a long flight home with our little boy.

See you all state-side.
Rob

Happy 12 years Love

2010-08-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

The weather was very similar as it is today. August on the East Coast is usually humid, overcast and potentially rainy. Today is all of those as was our wedding day 12yrs ago, with just enough pockets of sunshine. It was a great Day, and since that day 12yrs ago we have never been apart on our Anniversary. Actually as I write this our anniversary day is officially over for Rob. That's OK though, that means they will be home in about 56hrs!

Had you asked me on that day 12yrs ago what I thought the future held for us I wouldn't have come up with anything close to what our life looks like today, young naive and idealistic, clouded with the veil of pure newlywed bliss. But I wouldn't change a thing. I'd never wish any of the struggles we have had on anyone, but as I look back on them I wouldn't take them away. Because of them we know who we are, we quickly learned how to lean into each other instead of turning away, and how the strength and weaknesses that we have work together because we are together.

More accurately had you asked me on our 11Th anniversary what the next year would hold; you would have been told a completely different story then the one you read today.

This life is definitely not ours, we(I) limit ourselves by trying to make plans, our plans putting life into whatever techno gadget is hot at the moment and crossing off each day as it comes.

While they wind down their time in Taiwan and prepare for our new life here, I can't wait to see their faces, hugs my daughter and new son, and kiss my husband hello to welcome in the next year.... I can't wait to see whats around the bend.

Happy Anniversary Love, Hurry home.

B

Adoption Day is finally here.

2010-08-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

Its 7:45 am on Friday the 13th in Taiwan. Adoption Day!!!!! Officially we started this process nearly 3yrs ago, we were matched with Chih-Fu last November. In just a few hours he will officially be our Son/Brother/Nephew/Grandson/ Great-Grandson. If I could be a fly on the wall...

Praying for smooth appointment, correct paperwork, final Visa and Passport for Chih-fu, and then they can all just breath. Enjoy the beauty of his birth country and most importantly, count the hours until THEY ALL FINALLY COME HOME TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!

120 hrs and 10 minutes the plan should touch down in Pittsburgh.

Now since I couldn't be with them to to take part in this, I'm going to my job which is to be here readying the house and making sure our next addition arrives safely and tonight I will do my part by celebrating with them from afar... With a giant fudge sundae.

Taiwan - First Five Days

2010-08-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

Greetings from this guest author from Taiwan. It’s 11:00 PM Wednesday night Taiwan time, and both kids are asleep next to each other in bed. This sounds like a good time to catch up – it’s been pretty busy so far, so it’s been hard to find a time to post.

Excuse the boring writing style, as it pales in comparison to what you loyal readers have come to expect at this blog.

DAY ONE/TWO
We arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare Saturday morning. After a tough goodbye with mom/Brandee, we were off on our own. For those that don’t know, Brandee wasn’t able to make the trip, being six months pregnant can prevent some big obstacles when travelling 24 hours in a cramped airplane (NOTE: first class is worth the 6,000 upgrade next time), so my parents came with myself and Caila. First flight was off to Newark, on a Bombardier crappy puddle jumper. First and last time I’ll ever fly one – the pilot looked like he was in his 20’s. I need one of those older, grey-haired guys that just beams of seniority and experience. We got to Neward, and quickly boarded our Continental 777 monster of a plane for Tokyo. The flight was as tough as I imagined, if not worse. 14 hours on a plane in coach with no legroom was hard. Although every seat did have on-demand video/music/games. So at least I got to school other fellow passengers at Texas Holdem while in route. After a 4 hour layover in Tokyo, it was off to Taiwan, via a very bumpy 2 hour flight. I had called ahead for a limo (actually a VW van) to get us from the Taiwan airport and our 5 bags to the Holiday Inn in Taipei. By this time, with the travel and time change, it was about 11PM Sunday night Taiwan time, so it was off for a quick nap before the big day on Monday.

DAY THREE
Day three was a big, big day – it was the day we got to meet Chih-Fu. We first went to the train station in Taipei to meet one of the social workers who would be with us. With her, we all boarded the high speed train to Kaoshung, where we are now as I wrote this. We hopped a tax after arriving, and it was off to the Kaoshung foster care office to meet our boy. As soon as we went up the stairs and in the door, I heard this familiar voice in the other room. And he heard Caila and myself, and quickly peeked out the door. It was a surreal moment to say the least. Yes we had five Skypes, so I was able to pick his voice out amongst others, but seeing him for the first time was pretty awesome. We all played together there for a while, before going off to get some lunch together with a couple social workers. Then, we checked our our hotel with Chih-Fu and hopped a ferry to a small island to spend some time there. That night he went back to his foster parents, and we went back to our hotel for some much needed sleep – I think I was running on 6 hours of sleep over 2 days.

DAY FOUR

We woke up on Tuesday, grabbed a bite and Caila and I took a taxi to the foster care office. That morning was the day Chih-Ful was saying goodbye to his foster family, and most importantly his foster mother, who he lived with for quite some time. She along with her husband have done a pretty amazing job raising him over that time, and I’m sure he wouldn’t be the great little boy today without her. Then, just Caila and I took him back to our hotel – which was a pretty special moment to just be alone with the three of us. We spent the day swimming, playing at the park and just hanging out.

After finally getting him to sleep on our first night together, I sortof had a moment of panic – what if he woke up in the middle of the night and was homesick, and decided to open the hotel door and scurry off – would I hear him and wake up? After much internal debate with myself – I grabbed the extra blanket and made myself a bed on the floor in front of the door! How strange is that? But at that moment, I just felt that’s what I needed to do. It all worked out ok, he woke up in the morning practically on top of his sister – so glad he was able to sleep thru the night.

DAY FIVE
As I write this, it’s the end of day five. We spent the day at the National Aquarium center about 1.5 hours away from Kaoshung today. Talk about a neat place – lots to do and lots of activity for Chih-Fu to help wear him out. So much that he fell asleep in the taxi on the way home. We were accompanied today by a couple of social workers, who know Chih-Fu very well. They said their goodbyes to him today, which was tough to see. You can see how much they care for him and other children – can’t say enough good things about our agencies, both here and back home in the states – both top notch places and people to work with. Tomorrow, we are catching the train back to Taipei in the afternoon, and then Friday is out court date! Fingers crossed that it all goes well.

Some random things I’ve thought about while here:

The cabbies here have to be the craziest and best drivers in the world. I’ve spent some time in NYC and in those cabs, but these guys gotta take the cake.

The weather here is so much like Floriday – can be sunny one minute and raining the next, then back to sunny a minute later. Dunno if it’s the typhoon going on off the coast here or what…

Speaking of those cabbies, they know exactly where the traffic cams are – you’ll be speeding along and all of a sudden they slow down to a crawl to avoid that ticket.

There are scooters everywhere. I mean thousands of them. I’ve seen them with an adult and 3 kids hanging off the mother and the bike. They are everywhere weaving in and out of cars – I gotta take some video of this before I leave.

The exchange rate is crazy here – I’m walking around with like 12,000 in my pocket and paying $100 for a trip to 7-Eleven (HINT: our dollar is worth 32 Taiwan dollars right now).

There is probably no-one bigger than me in this country (take it easy Truax). I’m signing autographs for people that think I’m Big Ben or The Big Show. One guy thought I was Aaron Gray couple of days ago while I was wearing my Pitt shirt.

They have a lot of cultural differences, as I’m sure you know. The one is that at least women need to wear swim caps while in the pool. Caila had to wear one the other day, I guess as to not get hair in the pool. I wonder what they were thinking when I rolled up there with my big hairy chest! See above point – this all goes together.

I couldn’t have done this so far without my parents, and most importantly my daughter. She’s been a trooper and a big help – and she’s way excited to be a sister.

That’s all I got for now. If you stuck with me to this point – thanks – I told you it wouldn’t be what you were used to from this blog. I’ll try to post in a day or two, at least after the court appointment and how that goes. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s getting late and I have to curl up in front of the door again.

First meeting

2010-08-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

Rob and Caila spent the day with Chih-fu and it seems to have been a great day. Communication has been difficult with the time change and not as reliable Internet connection as we are used to having.

Tomorrow( which will actually be 8pm tonight Eastern time) he is officially yet unofficially ours and we are praying for smooth sailing for the rest of the trip.

The smile on Caila's face says it all, He is a busy happy boy and I can't wait until my family is home.

Brandee

They have arrived.

2010-08-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

and now I can breathe, sort of. They are safely on the ground and that is part 1. Part 2 begins in about 6hrs for them when they start the process of leaving Taipei and heading to Kaohsiung where they will meet our little man for the first time. Right now is when I wish teleportation could truly be a possibility.

The tidbits I can give you from their flight:

Rob does not like "puddle jumpers" or "crop-dusters" or" prop-planes"

In flight entertainment systems will keep your children from ever sleeping on even a 13hr flight, Truly seems to be Cailas favorite part of flying so far.

The Tokyo Airport has a McDonald's- My father in law found that quickly! : )

Not sleeping for 32 hrs may create insomnia(Rob- please pray he is able to be fully rested on hopefully 6 hrs of sleep)

Sleeping for 5-6hrs on the last leg of a long journey can make you punch drunk and also unable to sleep( Caila- as illustrated by the pen in her nose while we skyped)

Gift soaps double bagged can still leak.

Its the strangest feeling to not be there with them.

Brandee

Final Skype

2010-08-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

We just finished our final chat with our soon to be little man. Little, we can keep as a descriptive word, because he is 5 and relative to Caila, he is little. Words that do not come to mind are calm, still, complacent... you get the idea. The first word that comes to mind is Busy, next would be comical. He has the most infectious laugh, via video chat, I can only imagine what it will be like in person. Robs comment to Caila was " Its going to be a busy hotel room!"

Rob and Caila will be leaving in 3 1/2 days, 5 days from now will be their first in person meeting, and on Friday the 13th, yes I said Friday the 13th, he will officially be a part of our family.

Suitcases are everywhere, clothes, toys, gifts, snacks and any other amusements we can think of fill his room, which Caila tells me daily I need to stop putting things in there, she forgets I will be here anxiously waiting their return, desperately finding things to clean and organize to pass the time without worry.

I still wonder if this is all really happening, and after our Movie date night to see Inception, I'm starting to really wonder! But more important, I'm thankful, that we are here, in this busy crazy place we never thought we'd see, on a journey to our adopted son & brother and 25weeks pregnant.

Sweet Dreams~

Brandee

24 weeks & 10days

2010-07-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

Viability Stage one- From today forward our Baby Girl has a fighting chance if for some reason everything and the kitchen sink that we have thrown at her decided to stop working.

Getting beyond week 20 was our first goal, then maybe I could begin to see the proverbial light.

Viability, is a just a beautiful thing. Now, do we want her to be her anytime soon? No thanks, we already love you, but please stay put for at least another 10 weeks.

When searching for the definition of Viability via Merriam Webster online, the first entry is this:

1 : capable of living; especially : having attained such form and development as to be normally capable of surviving outside the mother's womb.

So maybe for the rest of today, I will start to feel capable of living with thought of all the life surrounding us, that is if I can survive the stress/anxiety/loneliness of the next 10 days plus 10.

TEN DAYS. Really? Thats it just TEN MORE DAYS? We have 2 more planned Skype calls with our little man, one is tonight, and one next week. Praying that things go smoothly. Praying that they will survive without me and I without them. Praying for safe travels, Praying for well, just lots of praying.

Please clock stop ticking.

2010-07-13T04:12:00.001-07:00

As I blog its 7am, but I've been awake for a few hours, first trying to go back to sleep, then telling myself to get up, then running through all the things that need to be accomplished today and that was the kicker. The reason I am now blogging while the rest of my house sleeps (including the dogs).

Things I need to accomplish today:

Travel arrangements need to be nailed down, at the very least flights.
Visa, Immigration and other miscellaneous can only be done right before travel not in the 18months of waiting for adoption, paperwork needs to be completed. Or at least if not completed translated into a language I/We can understand, and just an FYI it is written in English its just more government paperwork and I literally felt like a spinning top when I finished reading the instructions on the forms.

Shopping. And all my friends are jumping for joy. Except that shopping is starting to be stressful. Buying for our son whose likes and dislikes I do not yet know is stressful. However I thought I had been a pretty decent all encompassing shopper over the past months. Last night I began to lay out all of the traveling clothes and there is a requirement for what I would interpret as business casual wear for court, and I realized that I have yet to buy him a single pair of pants. Shorts? Check Shirts? Check Adorable bathing suits? Check Jeans given to us by a wonderful friend? Pants? nope so today I'm off to shop some more.

Now that I have it all out in front of me, maybe I can relax and sleep for a few more hours...

Brandee

ps. Today I am 22 weeks, and SHE is kicking like crazy!

To Taiwan with Love,

2010-07-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

I send my heart.
Not just the part that longed for years to grow our family, but every single part.
The part that felt like it found home when I met my husband 14yrs ago, the part that wondered if it could really hold any more joy the day Caila was born, that part that wanted to die the day we lost Carter and more recently the part that has fallen in love with 5yr old boy whose hand I have yet to hold.

So To Taiwan with love I will send all of those parts, all parts of the Journey that brought us to Kaden Chih-Fu Rentz. The part that I will keep with me over that 7day period, is the part that keeps me here, while I send my love with Rob and Caila as they journey to Kaden I will stay Stateside and use the remaining portion of my heart to continue growing our baby.
Sometime the week of August 8th Rob and Caila will be leaving for Taiwan to bring home our son, her little brother. Our court date in Taiwan is August 13th and although we don't quite have travel arrangements made yet (we just received all of this information on Friday before the long holiday weekend) and hopefully they will be flying on August 15Th, our Twelfth Anniversary.
We are feverishly trying to get our home in order, trying to figure out what else we need to have for him when he is home. Home. Family. Like Caila said near the beginning of this process, all the chairs at the table will be full, but now we actually will need one more!
So over the next 5 weeks I may not write much, or maybe I will write more I tend to do that when I'm stressed. I'll try to post the occasional baby update ( tomorrow we are 21weeks!) and I'll post any updates I receive from Rob while they are traveling.

So for now~ from Pittsburgh with love...

Brandee

20 weeks and Skype

2010-06-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

... We are on the doorstep, and I am hopeful, and fearful all at the same time. I think our baby knows this because there has been lots of kicking and flip flopping around the last few days. As if too say" Hey Mom, I'm here, don't worry."
Easier said then done.

Some moments I am easily lost in the planning, and it feels surreal, others can be paralyzing. So the next few days I will occupy myself with continually annoying my dear husband with thoughts of our future, Enjoying the much needed company of friends that I don't ever see enough, but can always be instantly comfortable with, ( it will also help that to district me that I will have an army of vampires and werewolves occupying my vision, post indulging in a very decadent dinner) celebrating a great-grandmas birthday ( We never share a lady's age) and rounding out the next week by celebrating two new lives, those of a dear friends baby, and the best sister in law in the world. Happiness, Joy and love should keep me from my fearful thoughts.

Today though I am seemingly in troubled spot now, will end with great Joy. Joy that will keep all three of us up way beyond our bedtime. Our Third Skype with Dear Chih-Fu! This few moments are glimpses into his life now for us, and hopefully glimpses of the family waiting, for him. Last month the topic of conversation was all sorts of sports, even down to a demonstration of his Kung-fu skills, and a discovery that Cats (of which we have 2) may not be his choice of pet. Who knows what discovery today will bring...

Happy Tuesday~

Brandee

Friday Fun

2010-06-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago our Adoption Agency held their yearly family picnic. I was apprehensive, especially when I realized 300 people would be attending and we have only met a handful of couples. Instead of finding some of excuse of a reason not to go, I kept telling Caila how much fun it would be and eventually convinced myself of the same.

And I am so glad we did. Over 300 men, women and children who know about the journey we are on.

Every ones is unique, but still they have walked it, or are walking it. We learned so much that day, much of which I will share over the coming weeks.

One important item we will share with you today. Fundraising for adoption. We have talked about it before but just haven't been interested. I'll be honest in some ways it feels awkward to do this. Until I spoke with families who have and the great success they have had with it. Pancake Breakfasts, Spaghetti Dinners, Raffles, etc. Two really stood out to me: #1 An adoption yard sale- seems easy right? Hold your traditional garage sale but ask friends and family to donate things they want to get rid of but don't want to be bothered with. Except Garage sale season is winding down in Western Pa so we may hold of a while on this idea.

# 2 T-Shirt Sale via Adoption Bug- Who doesn't need a new T-shirt right? On the right side of our blog you will find a link our Fundraiser. A Percentage of every shirt sold will be donated to our adoption fund.

Not interested in a T-shirt? Help us out by spreading the word !

Kindest Regards

Brandee & Rob

Thoughts for Thursday

2010-06-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Another week down, 18 more to go.
One more that could take my breath away.
Today I am 19weeks & 2 days.

One week and 2 days from our loss date with Carter.

I know every move I made during that week. Have questioned every moment of it. None of it will I even come close to doing again. Part of me wanted to visit my former co-workers today, but its to0 close. Nothing can be the same.

This is a different pregnancy I am different person now, we are a different family. I try and tell myself daily, But still the fear is real.

So for the next 10days or so I may be a recluse, sitting on my ass watching re-runs of Greys, but most definitely trying not to think. Praying harder then I ever have before.

Brandee

or team I'm not gonna tell you... yet!

2010-06-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

Breath, relax, and enjoy....

I think I can I think I can... The appointment went well and went along way to calm my fears. We had a great tech he was very good at medical speak and made sure to show us all the chambers of the hear, all the sections of the brain, including where spinal fluid develops and she zoomed in on a section of the spine. The spine. My favorite thing to see on baby ultrasounds. Not sure why I just love the way you can see each little vertebrae when baby is only the size of a mango right now.

So I caved, its a....... we are not telling...yet. My fabulous sister in law is due to have her 3rd baby in two weeks and she does not yet know what she is having so we are going to torture her until we know if her baby is blue or pink.

Hugs Jenn, Love you. : )

And really it was just the icing on the cake. Three years ago when I was pregnant with Carter at this point in pregnancy my cervix measured between 2.3 & 2.5 and then i went into labor. Yesterday my cervix measured 3.5, 1 entire centimeter longer. I think I had myself half convinced I would leave the Dr's office on bed rest.
Issue #1 all clear! Issue #2, placental abrupt ion. The tech and then the Doctor himself spent much time looking at the placenta and where it is attached and if there are gaps and how firmly it is attached. All clear as well.

So now we just need to keep growing.

Team Pink, Team Blue or Team Green?

2010-06-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the day.

I'm excited, sort of, but wish it could happen without me. I'm raising a glass to my anxiety tomorrow morning.
I have adopted the mantra (and adding to it) of another pregnant after loss Mom... Today we are pregnant, Today we are adopting, and for today that is all that matters.

If I could go alone tomorrow and not tell anyone about it, that's probably what I would do. Healthy? I'm still sane enough to know that its not. Hopefully I'm like Fort Knox and have nothing to worry about, but like Rob said we won't be comfortable till everyone is home.

Really I am trying to enjoy this miracle pregnancy. Really I am.but then I remember driving home from the ultrasound with Carter, and the 2 happy weeks that followed, then that day. ....

Then I try to go to my happy place... Pink, Blue or Green???? We well really me, are debating. Rob is being fabulous and has said he will go with whatever makes me comfortable. Caila on the other hand is a little less patient, well with being 11 and all those hormones coursing through her veins, patient is that last thing I would use to describe her at the moment!

Caila's vote is pink
a few friends have said blue
Some days I feel pink, others I feel blue, and maybe in less then 24hrs we will know, or maybe not, or maybe we will know and just not share for awhile, till we are in a safe place.

Any votes?

16 weeks and a Court Date

2010-05-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

This pic was taken 2 weeks ago, a little behind but here it is...

Weekly injections have begum. So here's for hoping that 1 cerclage, weekly p17 injections, and lots of hope and prayer will get us somewhere beyond 26 weeks.

Baby is quite active, as the ultrasound tech keeps reminding me, and I have actually begun to feel little flutters, which go a long way to relieve my ever increasing anxiety. Most women hold their breath throughout the first trimester, I now hold mine for the remaining 6 months. I've started to become a little uncomfortable at night, which is actually a great feeling, because its my daily reminder everything is going just they way it should, and sometimes I can breathe.

Caila's soccer season officially ended yesterday, and the new one, starts today! Just tryouts which she has to attend but we have been assured that she is on the team for next year, but I still have a pit in my stomach of worry for her. She loves this team and the game. 4 1/2 days of school this week and then summer vacation, she's had a great year so this may be the first year shes not truly excited about the end of the year.

On the adoption front hopefully exciting things happened in the last 24 hrs. Our first court date was scheduled for June 7, which is today, but yesterday in Taiwan. So hopefully in the coming days we should have some important exciting information such as travel dates! Which has sort of put me into a frenzy trying to figure out what else we need for a 5yr old boy, and since my new schedule allows me some shopping freedom, I think we may have it covered....

Here is a list of what we have so far:

Clothes and Shoes for probably a year, thanks to my love of shopping and very giving friends!

Balls, of all sorts because he is a sports oriented boy, and this week we added to that a t-ball set.

Books and Puzzles

So not as comprehensive as I was thinking, hmmm... we keep looking at bikes but would love for him to be here to pick the one he likes. But now that I have seen my list in print, I guess I'm off to do some more shopping....

14 weeks

2010-05-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Its been a week. Physically & emotionally. Aside from in the presence of my Nursing Instructors, I have yet to have a good solid cry. Maybe tonight over a pretend glass of wine (aka cranberry juice).

It's been a week. Medically withdrew from nursing school, had my cerclage placed, and maybe took a breath a little. maybe, just a little.

No belly picture yet, maybe one of these days I'll have someone document this pregnancy. In a way I feel guilty not taking pictures like a madwomen. I did with Carter, weekly. I only have one pregnant picture with Caila.

I'm closer to feeling willing. Closer, but not quite.

The nurse in recovery verbalized for me what I have been feeling since the moment the digital test said pregnant. She said" I bet you have been walking around hoping to keep your baby from falling out until now, haven't you?" She's right. I have. Maybe I can begin to let myself dream a little, just a little, and no planning yet, just dreaming. Planning can wait, or maybe we just won't do it ever again.

Just prior to surgery My doctor came in to listen to the babies heartbeat so they could chart it before and after surgery. It took him a minute to find it. I held my breath, maybe turned blue. He sensed my anxiety, and even knowing my history tried to calm me and said " You know that from this point in pregnancy something only happens to the baby if something happens to the Mother"... Not in our world. I'm standing 6weeks from where we lost Carter.

He knows that.

He believes.

I want to, really I do.

Brandee

Soccer Kicks, Kung Fu & Cerclage

2010-05-09T05:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day Everyone!

We are spending the weekend watching Caila play soccer. I really can't think of a better way to spend Mothers day then watching my reason for being Mom play the game she loves.... She really played a fabulous game yesterday, in the High Desert like winds and monsoon like rain. Hopefully today's game will be a little more fan friendly, but since I just turned on the heat I'm guessing not so much.

Tuesday night we were blessed to have another Skype chat with Kaden. Having one interaction behind us really proved to be a great start to forming a bond. He was much more relaxed and open with us even spending some time on the floor showing us his Chinese Kung-Fu moves, which had everyone laughing till the verge of tears. Caila on the other hand deemed them to be break dancing moves. He is a very cheerful little boy that we are praying to have home soon. We still do not have any court dates so our hopes of summer are starting to fade.

Fast forward from last Tuesday until this coming Tuesday and we are looking at completely different days, and utterly different emotions, for very different reasons, but still wishing for the same out come, growing our family.
My pregnancy history is a troubled one and trying to make the best decisions for this one in order to have the best possible outcome is not easy. Every action has its risks as well as sitting by and just waiting. So on this Tuesday at 8:30am my Doctors will be putting in a Cerclage, in hopes of keeping my body from going into labor before 37 weeks. I may or may not end up on bed rest following this procedure, depending on how my body reacts.
We know this needs to be done, but its hard not to wish that there could be a simpler more miraculous way, which reminds my of a story I once heard....
I remember my Pastor telling a story when I was little girl (wow do I sound old) about a man on rooftop during a flood, the short version goes something like this: a rowboat, a ship and helicopter all came to save this man and he was waiting on God and eventually drowned. He then questioned as to why God didn't save him.....and God Said the tools that were needed for you to save yourself were right in front you- (much more funny when told but I'm trying to make a point) We are in the care of good Doctors, but some of the choices are left to us so we have decided we have been given the tools so this baby is getting everything and the kitchen sink thrown at it, and with a little bit of luck and lots prayer just maybe we will make it through.

Crazy, Crazy Life.

2010-04-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

Crazy. Chances are if we've chatted in any form lately. I've been scatter brained, said very little, and used the word Crazy many, many times.

Life is Crazy. It is for everyone, but really, right now for the Rentz Family -Life is Crazy!!!

Here is a list of our Crazy undertakings for the rest of 2010:

Outdoor Soccer Season- Caila is playing on 2 teams and double the amount of tournaments in other states to attend, we are spending quite a bit of time in our cars these days. Watching her grow in her favorite sport is so much fun, and there are definitely growing pains along the way, but this is definitely her passion. ....

Nursing School- is almost half way completed! I can't believe it! Even though my first year is almost complete I am still struggling to utilize my time appropriately to study. A skill that I have never been able to fully wrap my head around.

Career- Rob is insanely busy with work these days, making Caila and I so much more appreciative of all the time he works from home as he has had to actually go to the office lately, and when is home he burns the candle quite late these days.

This is just a small portion of our everyday life events, many of which you probably have an then some in your own lives.... don't worry I saved the bigger better things for last.....

Adoption- We have decided on a name. Kaden Chih-Fu Rentz.

Kaden means "Spirit of Battle", "Fighter", which we find fitting for all that he has been through in his young life.

We are keeping his birth name as his middle name to honor his birth mother for making the choice to give him life. There is also a chance that he may not want to take an American name and being that he is 5 we will respect that. We have not had any updates on Kaden since our skype in March, hopefully we will get to skype again soon and receive some updates information as well as photos.
The orphanage is making some important decision right now and we need prayer that they will still choose us as his family. He has a bedroom in our home, an entire wardrobe of clothing and a few toys, we are ready for him at any moment.

So as you have been reading, our life has been crazy!

Our adoption plan for Kaden and preparing Caila for being a Big Sister to a 5yr old boy. Nursing School, Rob's Crazy work schedule, Caila's activities, on top of just our day to day routine like everyone else

We have been so focused on all these wonderful things going on in our lives, so complacent with OUR PLANS that we never stopped to ask "OK Lord, this is all going smoothly, are we on track? Is this what you have planned for us?" Honestly though, it would have been something more like this: " OK Lord, I tried to plan for years how our life would be, and our plans never worked out, I know that YOU know better, but this is good, right? Its all going well, We are excited to be a family of 4, Caila is excited to finally be a sister, our families & friends are being incredibly supportive. This is it? Right? WE are making the right choices? Right? "

You would think, that with our history, choices we have made in the past, and the loss we have experienced we would have learned to lean on HIM more fully. UH, WRONG.

We are still making our plans, trying control things in our way, in our time. Do you know what happens when we make our own plans? - this is what a few of my friends have recently told me- We make GOD laugh, and he adjusts them to be part of his plan, so HE can accomplish things through are lives.

OK, I give. I get it, not really, but I'll try, because really I have no other options..... This is me Lord throwing up my hands, giving it all to you because really this is ALL YOU. No other options here, plus its totally, completely crazy!

Curious? Ya we still are.... I Can't really wrap my head around it..... really, I can't but maybe you can?

So here it goes... The miracle birth of our Amazing Caila (as her BFF calls her)after 5 Doctors, traveling across the country to see a World Renowned specialist, drugs, drugs and more drugs, then losing our sweet angel Carter after being born to soon, choosing to again be a 1 income family when I quit my job for nursing school, and in the process adopting our beautiful Kaden ......

WE ARE PREGNANT....and holding our breath until November..... See I told you it was Crazy.

Brandee

Oh how we love SKYPE!!!!

2010-03-04T13:28:00.000-08:00

WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!

Like a 20 week U/S only better.... He could smile and wave and tell us he was okay, and smile and say Mommy, Daddy and Sister...

It was great... Details to come next week.... maybe a picture or 2... For now....I'm going dark...Nursing school finals... for term 3... Ugh!!!! The good news is that once the next 7days are over, I---No we---- Rob and Caila are sacrificing much for this endeavor---- are halfway done!!!!!!!!

Happy First Week of March... Be back around St. Patty's Day!

Brandee

Whats in a name?

2010-02-24T19:05:00.000-08:00

Choosing a name for another human being is such a daunting task... the first part of parenting that makes you question your impact on their lives.

Do they look like the name you've chosen?

Will they be negatively affected by it?

Will they be positively affected by it?

Will they someday want to change it?

What types of nicknames can mean children make from it?

Will people try and shorten it because they can't possibly stand to say a 3 syllable word? : )

This is a list associated with biology....

Add to this adoption.... of an older child.... from another country.

First...

Do we keep his name? - yes as his middle name -

What meaning of a name fits the little we know of his first 5yrs of life....

Just for reference Caila means: Who is like God?, Keeper of the keys, Slender, of the forest, pure and beloved. Meaning depends on the origin you are searching for...

So in order to find the perfect name for a beautiful boy whose first 5yrs of life have been a challenge, and whose remaining life needs to be blessed, and to encourage acceptance of those around him into a new culture, new world, but to keep him in touch with his roots how do we choose? ...

We are close... but after weeks of discussion have decided on our rules of choosing:

How to choose a name Rentz Style:

1. Cannot have ever been in consideration previously, even though we have only had Caila and Carter to truly name... after a decade of infertility treatments and the thought of possible pregnancy, these lists are quite numerous.

2. Cannot be in the top 100 names of the Social Security list. - My rule

3. Cannot end in R - Rob's Rule

4. Cannot be rhymed with any bodily functions because kids will make fun of my little brother and I will have to beat them up.... Caila's rule

5. Must not be able to be butchered by any teacher with a Pittsburgh accent.... Love our city but some names just come out all wrong...

6. We cannot have any friends (or family) whose children have the same name- which is difficult many of you have been busy over the last decade : )

7. Needs to sound prestigious with the word Doctor in front it... uh my rule....

8. Needs to sound good on the baseball, soccer, lacrosse, hockey, tennis, basketball, golf or curling ( someone please explain this "sport" to me- I really do not get it) circuit...

9. Options 7 and 8 are not real, well maybe 7...

10. Just needs to come home and be my brother...

Number 10 really makes the need for the rest of the rules disappear....

Just out of curiosity, whats in a name for you?

Brandee

Buying stock in bananas.

2010-01-30T06:06:00.000-08:00

Update # 1 on our soon to be son Chi-Fu, yes we do intend to give him an American name but we have not yet come to mutual understanding on that.... ( translation- Rob hasn't given in to my choices yet! )

Honestly though, I read a families blog yesterday that is also adopting their son from Taiwan. She mentioned the trimesters of adoption and how you can compare them to pregnancy, with one major difference.

Pregnancy has an end in site, no medical health professional anywhere will take you to 40+ weeks of pregnancy and look you in the face and say " umm... nope sorry we grossly miscalculated.... you have to wait another 40 weeks, or 3 more trimesters." Adoption can do just that. We have an idea of a timeline. That those near and dear to us know of... and I keep telling myself to add 3 more trimesters to that said time frame, but I realize daily that I am very attached to our expected time of travel. In pregnancy terms.... my bags are packed and ready to go.... well not really.. but passports are in hand and we have narrowed down our hotel choices, flights now that's another post...

Then yesterday we received our first post-dossier set of updates. Excitement and sadness all in one moment. We did not receive any photo or video updates as sometimes occur. We have been told they are very behind on these and again, I wasn't expecting them, but of course I was.

He is doing well, seems to act like a leader among his friends at the young age of 4. He loves to play ball sports, climb up the slide and slide down on his face (translation sometimes makes things sound so literal...), the only fruit he likes is bananas.

Do you know how many bananas we go through in a week here at the mancave family house? Adding another banana addict will surely make me want our own crop! Maybe I can head to Phipps and pick them.... you don't think they would mind do you?

The last part of the update and what I really want to add here is that he is growing like a weed. Except that I can't. He has lost 4lb since the updates we received in November and we are saddened by this. He was sick and we couldn't comfort him, now he's losing weight.

So we need to bring him home. Soon. All the prayers you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Immigration, I think I may love you!

2010-01-04T17:03:00.000-08:00

Facebook is fun for quick thoughts and random life moments, but I guess not for informing friends of good things!

Today I posted "Keep Fingers Crossed" Immigration may be coming through for us"... Here is the backstory:

Last year we were approved to adopt from the Philippines, the birth country of my Father. After months of turmoil, we choose for our family to move another direction. Our plans, which we all know are not our plans, were changed. We did not to decide to adopt by choosing a country. We choose to adopt through the Children of Promise which is Bethany's program for waiting children. Waiting, because they are not infants, waiting because they are not perfect. Waiting. We are not perfect, far from it.

We were matched with our beautful son Chih-Fu in October! Happy Day! We have so much of our paperwork completed the process will fly right? Ummm... nope. We had to re-do much of our paperwork. Thank Goodness our homestudy was still valid and just needed some minor updating.

Enter Immigration.....

Three trips to the Pittsburgh office, being told I needed additional paperwork, then told to send paperwork to Texas. Then told to call the 800 hot line. Then after hitting so many #'s once getting through to the 800# you just get hung up on, I actually got a real person.

And guess what she told me? "oh, You have to go to the Pittsburgh office for that..." Hysterical laughter proceeded from my mouth.... and then I hung up.
Our fabulous saint of a social worker was able to find a person ,deep in the hidden recesses of government walls, that could give us an actual answer: You have to file immigration paperwork again. Even though we were approved at the time of this conversation, barely 4months ago-its now been just over 6months. So we stopped fighting, refiled, and re payed. Our last immigration approval took just under 5weeks.
We were counting the days.
Last Wednesday I checked the mail. I noticed a familiar envelope in the stack. Holding my breath I opened it.... Denied because we needed to be re fingerprinted.
Question? - Has anyone looked at there fingerprints recently? Have they changed in the last 6 months? Just curious....But I digress...

Again I call the 800#, speak to a friendly person who gives me a nondescript email address in the Pittsburgh Homeland Office. Then I read somewhere that sometimes contacting local State Reps or Senators, ours are Daryl Metcalfe & Jane Orie late on Wednesday night I sent an email. I was not holding my breath.

Rob was even less so.

Before 10pm I had responses from each of them saying that a member of their staff would contact me the next day. They did. I spent hours on the phone with a staffer who knew early in our conversation that what we needed was Federal help, not State, but she continued on. Looking up numbers (this was New Years Eve) and eventually she pointed me in the direction of our State Senator. My intention was to call his office today.

No Need.

At 3:45 this afternoon I had this email :

" Please disregard the letter you received. Your paperwork has arrived in Pittsburgh and is awaiting adjudication by one of our Officer’s. "

"Everything is in order."
: )
Tomorrow our Paperwork goes to Bethany home office. From there (once they have our official immigration paperwork in hand) Our Dossier goes to Taiwan.

and then from there.... I'm supposed to tell you all One year, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.... for maybe sometime in...... : )

Thank you all for the thought Prayers and well wishes. Continued Prayer would be the greatest gift, and if you know someone else adopting, near or far, Hug them for me.

2010-01-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

Analyzing Analogies

2009-12-30T15:33:00.000-08:00

I like analogies, maybe too much..

maybe its from my writer Father,

maybe it comes from watching all the old movies with my mother listening to people like Danny Kaye sing song their way into stories of long ago,

maybe it comes from the fabulous English teacher I had in high school,

or maybe its just because my brain works just slightly back words from the rest of you.... I am after all left handed, but oh wait, that means I'm in my right mind, doesn't it? oh well....

Where was I going with this? Oh yes, analogies. I like them. Too Much... They are great tools to use as parents. However I'm finding myself learning from them as much if not more then my lovely tweener child if for no other reason then because some days I just like to hear the sound of my own voice. Not really, okay well maybe. But seriously I have found myself mid-lecture of some all important life changing kind to said daughter and the light in my own brain goes off.

So today we hit a sort of road block in adoption paperwork. Government efficiency at its finest. I was trying to think of all our options. What could we do to facilitate things to run smoother? (the answer of course is nothing- we are after all talking about government)

After calming down a bit I tried to imagine my favorite analogy and how I could relate this. Marathons. Except for I can't think of a way to relate this. Marathons are incredibly organized down to the minute thousands of volunteers, months of training, blood sweat and tears comes down to one day.

*Btw- yes dear friends I know I am using yet another running story and I am not currently in the running condition of my past... I'm hopeful that I'll get there...again....eventually*

As I was thinking of running. I realized this is different. Marathons are about constant motion. Adoption is to a point, and then you stand still. Then its like standing in front of the big doors to the church. Waiting for the music to Cue, walking down they aisle that no matter how big or small it was before the wedding it just quadrupled in size, and then this is where in adoption land it comes to a LOUD SCREECHING HALT!!! All the musicians drop their instruments and fall into a tangled mess of strings and people. And you the bride at one end of the aisle and your prince charming groom at the other end stare at each other, frozen not knowing what to do next. Your hoping that the music will start up again quickly without notice but you know it wont be that simple. So you stare some more, wondering if this is a sign of what the rest of your life together will be like... and then you realize that you have 2 options:

Option 1- Cry, no Sob, loudly then stomp your feet and run out of the church leaving everyone behind you to say how terrible this is that this happened to you.....blah blah blah....

Option 2- Laugh- hysterically, Throw the bouquet over your head run down the aisle and tell the minister to hurry up and marry you because you both have a party to get to.

In adoption land this is where we are.... All the preparation has been made, We are just waiting for the doors of the church to open so we can walk forward with excitement, uncertainty, and that age old question what will the next 50yrs be like...

"Mommy... All of our Seats will be filled..."

2009-12-25T23:47:00.000-08:00

*Side note*
We hope you all have been well in 2009, and our able to spend Christmas with those you love. Traditionally we have never sent a Christmas letter, but we have so many things to be thankful for and update you on that we thought we could blog one...

Words like those make the other words of our "tweener" daughter disappear. She said this after much contemplation staring at our dining room table that I have for so many years shoved up against a wall making it seem as though it only has a place for just three.

She stared some more... I finally said to here "Caila what are you thinking about?"...."all the seats will be filled" she responded and I looked at her completely clueless as to what that meant in her 1o yr old soon to be 11 (and almost a teenager she reminds me daily) year old mind.....

"MOMMY"... she says, frustrated with why I didn't "get it".... "Mommy, when Chih-Fu comes home, all of our seat will be filled."

Those are the moments we cherish as parents, and those moments are the driving force behind our desire to continue to build our family.

And we have been given that opportunity....

Our son, Chih-fu Wang, Born March 9, 2005 in a tiny province in Taiwan, graciously given the gift of life by his birth mother. We have been matched with this beautiful little boy - who doesn't like vegetables - and someday soon our family will grow.

Adoption land is so unpredictable, we have learned to "roll" with whatever comes our way. Hopefully, with much prayer and some organization on the part of 2 government agencies in countries worlds apart, just maybe by next Christmas all of our seats will be filled.

Stay tuned I will post updates as we receive them.

Shen Dan Jie Kuai Le -

-Merry Christmas -

The Rentz Family

Contemplation, yet again....

2009-12-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

Miriam Webster defines contemplation in one of three ways:

1. A concentration on spiritual things as a private form of devotion; state of mystical awareness of God's being.
2. An act of considering with attention or
3. The act of regarding steadily.

I was raised learning the first definition, and have spent much of the last 2 years really trying to define what that means for myself, for my family.

Today I am using definition #2 & #3. Considering with much attention what it will mean for me if I just fell short of the goal I needed to pass my class, that had me working towards a goal that I have wanted for so long. Also I am steadily regarding or regarding steadily if you choose , how, should I pass what I will take forward. How I will keep the rest of this experience from being this constant battle to survive... I am trying very hard not to second guess every mistake or wrong answer put to paper. That I know HE taught in recent years. Picking apart every moment isnt going to change the outcome.

And yet even as I put the words on "paper" I realize that its not really possible to ever move forward without contemplation. Not if you intend on living a life of purpose, with meaning.

So tonight eleven days before Christmas we are decorating our tree and I am contemplating.

Considering with Attention that no matter what I tried, and while I consider the mystical awareness of God's being I know it will be ok.

And I'm wishing you all a Christmas that you can consider with attention all of those that you hold dear.

The power of the people and the internet.

2009-12-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

On a day when I was feeling slightly defeatist. My husband reminded me of a family that has persevered through so much more.

Fatty... We don't know him, would love to meet him but feel quite certain that we never will. But you should all know his story. He inspires people to come together via the Internet, blogs, twitter in an amazing giving way.

He's not Rock star, Politician, Superstar Athlete, or Vampire.

He's simply a man, a husband now widow, a father who turned tremendous pain into a gift, of uniting and inspiring.

You should all know him, because I think even his ability to inspire people to care has outdone itself this time.... Go meet him here.

Coming soon....

2009-10-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Some good stuff.... For tonight I'm sleeping and praying for my Grandmother who is in tremendous pain, and for my Mother who is tremendously exhausted and for my Father who has spent his nearly 60yrs of life - Sorry Dad- I haven't forgotten- surrounded by tremendously stubborn women! More tomorrow...

Happy 11 years !

2009-08-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

We made it!

One more year. I was looking up anniversary gifts and we are now in the 11-15 year range. Officially this makes us old.

Brutal honesty... We had a rough summer. But life is full of Ebb & Flow right? Or to use a mountain bike metaphor from my one ride... You only get to enjoy the breeze on the down hill after you struggled on the climb to the top. Right now it feels like we are enjoying the breeze, and I'll be honest I really am hoping for a nice long descent.

Not being able to complete the adoption was difficult, another loss we had to process. Some may argue that we should be good at this now, but unless you become stone cold, which some may also argue that I have, It's still difficult to process. Caila sometimes I worry gets lost in all of this and then I wonder what she will take from our experiences into her adult life. Therapy I'm sure! Isn't that part of our jobs as parents to keep them in business?

Today is day one of the next 365. Nursing School ( How many Husbands would be willing to let their wives reinvent themselves as many times as I have) , a daughter starting middle school, and whatever else is around the proverbial bend.

We have been truly blessed as a couple, supportive families, beautiful daughter and really I would argue anyone on this point, the best friends (both near and far) that anyone could ask for!

Who knows what I will have to reflect on year in 12, but babe I wouldn't to take this journey with anyone else! I Love you!

Happy Anniversary!

And now to study ... So much for celebration.

Bright and Shiny

2009-08-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

Phew!!!!!!!!!

I survived the first and probably easiest week. Good News is I'm not the oldest person in my class, by far which makes me happy. The greater news is that I managed to do relatively well on the first 3 exams. Even a greater plus or minus is that the newly acquired acne that showed up on my face this week kept all my 20 something counterparts from thinking that I looked old! : )

The next few weeks of Caila's summer vacation will be a little hairy for studying but It should work out by the time school starts for her.

Wednesday was our first clinical day and although we didn't really do anything other then tour the unit that we will be assigned to work on, it didn't keep the more experienced staff from continually commenting on how "Bright and Shiny" we all looked. My heart warmed a little from this statement because sometimes I wonder how much life has affected my outlook. There are days I know I sound jaded and there are also days that I get wrapped up in some of my anger or sadness of some of the loss that has surrounded us. Knowing that in a small group of 7 that I didn't stick out like a sore thumb and perhaps really still have some of that "Bright and Shiny" outlook of my twenties gave me a surge of energy.

I know that this will not be an easy program, it is going to mean sacrifice not only for me but for Rob and Caila as well. Hopefully they will both always know how much I love and appreciate that they are willing to walk this path with me. This week I walked away with so much knowledge and a glimpse of what the next 2 yrs will look like. Most importantly I came home at the end of the week still knowing this is where I need to be.

Hopefully with any luck I will still be Bright and Shiny when I graduate!

Three Days

2009-07-31T07:12:00.000-07:00

Three more days. Excited, nervous, and honestly scared s**tless. Taking this step is life altering & family changing. All for the better and not without stress.

We are officially now a 1 income family. I have never been the "breadwinner" but my income has always been our "fun money". So now we will attempt to pay off bills, keep our very active daughter in her favorite activities, put me through school and oh yes live a little, very very little.

So our mantra for the next 2yrs will be a tag line from Dave Ramsey "Live like no one else so later we can Live like no one else."

So this blog will now become our survival through nursing school, one income and the tweener years with our wonderful about to start middle school daughter. I hope you enjoy the journey with us!

Prayers are needed

2009-07-21T09:31:00.001-07:00

Caila and I are visiting my family right now, hopefully I'll write all about when we return home in a few days.

Right now, I'm asking you all to pray~ For a family that Rob and I have never met~ most likely never will~ but we still find amazing~ You can read about them following the link below; then Pray like hell that miracles still exist.

Cancer Sucks.

Little Reminders

2009-06-30T06:35:00.001-07:00

Life is funny that way. Or maybe I am just distracted and disorganized. Hmmm. I think I'll go with the first option.

Anyway, Life is funny. We make a choice, feel the freedom of moving on, not necessarily moving forward but definitely moving on. Then the little reminders that we should have expected to pop up keep coming. Should have expected because I filled out the paperwork, made the purchases etc., but those things get shelved somewhere in the back of a your mind when presented with a painful choice.

The jacket I was so excited to purchase in early spring that I had hidden in the back of a closet, the Immigration paperwork we were anxiously awaiting. Should have taken at least 3 months to receive approval we received in half that time. Making me wonder if I made the right decision; and I know that the right choice was made, but it still causes pain.

Starting over.... Again.

2009-06-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

The first question is will anyone read this? Since I am the possibly the world's worst blogger. Nearly two months.

Much can change in that relatively short length of time, and it definitely has. As I sit here trying to get all my thoughts into the blogosphere (sorryI'm not tweeting yet) I'm waiting for a return phone call. A phone call that will again change the direction of life the three of us. I could go into long emotional detail about how we arrived here;I could plainly layout the intellectual discussion that has occurred inside of me to find our family again in the land of uncertain futures.

I'm not sure that any of it really matters, to you the few readers left standing. The choice is the same. The outcome doesn't change so maybe fewer details are better.

Our Adoption Journey...... As I re-titled this blog months ago; is on hold. Our match is no longer a match and in the months since I last posted I've had time (maybe too much) to try and search and dream and reason. Gathering my composure a bit before I shared with our small blogging world.

Yes there is a story to tell, but I'm not sure I can tell it now. We are not sure the direction we are headed as a family, what is best for all of us at this point. What I do know is that a beautiful boy in the Philippines will not become a part of our family, but he will always be a part of our hearts. The journey we have been on over the last decade has not been easy. Pieces of me have been left along the road on the way, some have been completely obliterated and maybe if I really step back and look I can see the pieces that I have picked up along the way.
Time away gaining perspective may make those things easier to see. Perspective is really what I need most right now.

There are many friends that we owe thanks along this journey, if I haven't told you in person please accept my deep felt gratefulness for listening to my ramblings, excitement fear along the way. Had it not been for each of you we could not have made this decision with even the smallest bit of peace.

So for now I am counting down the days of my current profession, and looking towards beginning my journey in Nursing School. Caila is marking off the days until we take our girls only trip to see my family, and I'll leave with a quote from something I came across and maybe with a little perspective I will truly be able to feel this way....

"A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus. Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified. Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway of life." - Celia Luce

Writers Block No More, maybe.

2009-04-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

Interest in reading, writing and basically all things literary definately runs in the family. In my younger years (Ugh, have I really reached the point of my life that I say phrases like that?) Excuse me while I vomit a little....

Let's start over, when I was a teenager. Nope still doesn't sound any better. Anyways, : )

I used to stay in my room for hours upon hours reading or writing and I also remember my Dad doing the same. I'd also have to imagine that my Grandmother ( Dad's Mom) did the same because she handed down these amazing leather bound books of early American poetry that I can still see on the bookshelf of my childhood home even though my parents sold that house years ago. My Baba, yes I'm 30 and she will always be my Baba ( Love you!) always had this wonderful treasure of romance novels on her bookshelf, and anytime we were at her house she made sure to take me to what I still think is the best bookstore on the planet. Caila is following along the same path, as Rob and I heard ourselves saying tonight please stop reading and go to bed. Should there be a law about saying things like this to your kids? Please stop reading, or please come in the house... We jokingly told her tonight she needs to watch more TV and lay around the house more often all this reading isn't good, we just won't stand for it.

I am so excited that her love for books is growing, it is sometimes lonely though as the days of her wanting to color do crafts or build things with me seem to be farther and farther between them. I can't wait however to take her to that bookstore this summer, yes we may possibly be the only ones that go to California specifically to visit a bookstore.

Enjoy your weekend!

One Step Closer!

2009-04-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

My California clearances have been processed! BTW- My passport beat the clearances here. Hmmm... I digress. Clearances should be in the hand of our Adoption Agency tomorrow morning then a few more things have to be finalized and off we can go to imigration.

We are praying for an expediated process as our little boy needs to come home!

Hurry up and Wait...

2009-04-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

This is a phrase that can sum up much of the last decade for us. Or maybe its just life, maybe the fast pace we adopt makes hurry up only to end up waiting. Waiting for something bigger, something beyond our control, out of our hands something so amazing we will one day look back and just know that one choice changed our lives forever.

We know that the process we are in will do just that. But for now we hurry up to wait. We have been in touch with Doctors in Pittsburgh so that we can understand the care he will need when we bring Our Son home. I just wish it could be tomorrow. We are truly blessed in this country, maybe even more in Pittsburgh, with access to amazing Hospitals, Clinics, Schools and Specialists. We just need to get him here now. So we hurry up and gather information so we can wait to bring him home.

Mangandang gabi

2009-04-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

Or Good night, well as close as I could get in Tagalog.

I came across a website tonight that has mp3's of basic Tagalog phrases. There are some similarities to Spanish so that should help me in my immersion of self teaching the three of us, at least I hope so, from what I remember of 5 years of spanish and growing up in So Cal.

My Filipino grandmother spoke quite a few different languages and never passed them on to anyone so if we can learn enough to be conversational I'll be thrilled! Anyone have any luck with Rosetta Stone?

We did get an update from the Orphanage today, exciting, but not quite what we were hoping for- but we were told it would be five weeks from our request of information but not to hold our breath, and today was exactly 5 weeks. So I'm counting that as a good sign even if it wasn't exactly what we were hoping to hear.

Cautious optimism is what we are operating on right now. There is still so much to do, lots of paperwork, lots of hurray up and wait. I am however like the cautious pregnant mother, after all it is still a labor of love, wanting to buy "things" for our newest addition. So, I did breakdown and buy a great winter coat I found on clearance this week, and that just made it seem so real for me. So there it hangs alone in his closet, in his room, just waiting for us to bring him home.

And with that I'll say Mangandang gabi!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

2009-04-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

We have a Winner!

The winner of the Penguins first Round Stanly Cup Playoff Tickets is ********. Sorry, names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Again we can't thank you all enough for participating. We raised enough money to turn in our Immigration paperwork! Hooray, except now one small snafu... or really rather Large Snafu, as in the state with the largest population in the country, California. You see part of the adoption process is making sure we have been kind to children in every state we've ever lived in. Ohio and Pennsylvania responded right away, like in 3 days right away. California has now informed us that they have the right to take 30days to process our request and that they fully intend to do so. Our Case Worker is pleading our case as this will slow down the process greatly.
Please pray for big scissors in cutting through the red tape, as this is only the beginning!

12 Hours Left!

2009-04-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

From Rob - There are 12 hours left to register for the Pens ticket raffle. Winner will be drawn at 10AM Tuesday (4/14) morning! See the "Donate" button to the right if you wish to enter.

Thanks everyone!

Pens get home Ice! 2 raffle days left...

2009-04-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

Awesome News! Pittsburgh Penguins get home ice against the Flyers?!!! Leaving Rob to wonder if the raffle was really a good idea! ; )

Interested in a raffle ticket? Still time to get in on it Winning Ticket will be drawn on Tuesday Morning!

Who's it going to be?

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

What an amazing day! The sun was bright and shiny and we had a great day as a family, surrounded by the love of Jesus because of the sacrifice He made for us.

Pictures later...

Raffle Update Day # 3

2009-04-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

Wow! Is all I can really say. We had hopes, but also didn't really know what to expect. There was even talk about saying we would refund donations if the cost of the tickets weren't covered. You our friends and family, or just Penguins Fanatics have quite exceeded what we were hoping for. Some have donated but because of distance (oh say California) won't be able to actually attend the game so your chances are still good if your in need of ticket.

More updates to come...

Penguins Adoption Ticket Raffle

2009-04-09T07:46:00.000-07:00

We hope that 2009 is a year of Joy and hope for all of you. Spring is here, if even in name only - this is Pittsburgh after all - and we have finally decided to write a family update. 2008 was a year of tremendous growth and healing for all three of us, but still left us feeling that our family was not yet complete. The years of our journey have always lead us to adoption but the timing never seemed to be right. We began to research in early 2008, and by January of this year we found our match in an agency, Bethany Christian Services (BCS). Yet, there are so many options in adoption we weren’t sure what direction was the right choice for our family. The obvious choice for us was to pursue an adoption through the Philippines, as it is part of our family heritage. Our wonderful agency, BCS tried to kindly let us know that the wait would be long, as children in the Philippines tend to spend years in foster care or orphaneges before they can adopted. We then had to pray about it to decide what direction we needed to go, but we felt compelled to the philippines. The next day our agency called and said you would not believe this but there is a 3yr old boy named Alan. We knew immediately he was meant to be our son, but it will be a long road.

Now to update you on the process we have just completed our home study, and are going through the mountains of paperwork and other processes needed to work towards approval. The next step is Immigration Services, Passports, and travel Visas all leading to the final approval from the Philippine Government. We chose to adopt through the waiting child program and are hopeful to bring our son home within the next 9 to 12 months. This is a very time consuming process. It's also rather expensive. Because of that, we are trying to find way to help with that expense.

Rob has been a Pittsburgh Penguins season ticket holder for the past few years . So, along with a dear friend, they have graciously given up their seats, to raffle the FIRST HOME GAME for the OPENING ROUND of the Playoffs. This could be the FIRST game overall if the Pens had home ice and that would be around Tuesday 4/14. But, its looking more likely that they would not get home ice, so it would be the THIRD game overall, probably around the weekend of 4/18. The TWO seats are in F30, 2nd row (with a great view of the whole ice).

Here's how it will work. Buy a raffle ticket for a cost of $10, and that will get you ONE entry into the raffle. For each $10 you spend, you will get 1 raffle entry. We have created a PayPal account if you wish to enter using a credit card. Just go to Brandee's blog at http://mancavefamily.blogspot.com and click on the Donate button on the right side of the page. If you have a PayPal account, just login. If you do not, enter the amount to donate at the top and click the Continue link on the middle-left of the page. You can put in your CC# and create a quick PayPal account from one click. You can also just hand us cash, or send a check.

Every cent we get will go directly to helping bring our son Alan home, so rest assurred we are not flying to Mrytle Beach to golf with the proceeds!

Thank you in advance for thinking of us during this time in our lives. We are very excited to bring another child into our home/family, and would be very appreciative to all the help we receive. If you wish to donate, please just reply back with how many entries you want or use the Donate link above. If you cannot participate in the raffle please share in this journey with us through prayer for a safe journey for our son and families in the hard fought journey of adoption.

Please forward on to friends and family. Thank you for joining us in this Journey.

P.S.......

2009-03-15T11:46:00.001-07:00

I passed my Nursing School Entrance Exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....................

Now if I can just pass Chemistry....not so sure about that one... ; (

Bits and Pieces

2009-03-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

As I've hinted at and changed the title of our blog over the last few weeks, we are beginning on a new journey. The Journey towards adoption.

We are in the beginning stages, so I will only give you small "bits and pieces" for now, but I will tell you we are all so excited. This will be a long journey, filled with uncertainity, paperwork, and more uncertainty. This week we will begin our Home Study and after a long day of Spring Cleaning, with much help from Grammy & Kiby, I feel sort of ready. Ready if you can ever be for someone to analyze your home, your family, they way you parent, if you are capable of parenting another etc. Some say in regards to the adoption process about jumping through hoops when conception, for most, can be so easy. Luckily for us, we are used to jumping through hoops, especially those that look more like Mexican jumping beans moving all over the place keeping you on your toes to get to the next step. But- we are ready.

The one other Piece I will leave you with is that we are Adopting from the Philippines. The birth place of my Father, and he has graciously agreed to Travel with us when we are ready. Well really I haven't given him a choice. Sorry Dad, your going- I can't handle Rob on a plane for 30hrs by myself, I need a helping hand.

And Caila you ask? She continues to be amazing, and wise beyond her years. We are truly blessed.

Becoming a Mother

2009-03-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought,
without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love
their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have
read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this
child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are
those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I
will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound
of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I
am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take
another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying
for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this
insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child
that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God
leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better
wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister
because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body (and by my doctors). I have
been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood
tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in
order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in
theirs.
I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I
have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth
and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only
comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.
> ~Author Unknown

Lost blogs....

2009-02-27T19:42:00.000-08:00

Its the end of Feb, and not one good post in awhile. Life is a bit crazy right now, as I'm sure it is for everyone.
Tonight I finished 4 Chapters of Chem homework, while Rob took Caila to Soccer Practice. Tomorrow morning I take the first of what will be many entrance exams into Nursing School. The bonus is that i actually have to pass Chemistry for any of this to matter. So while I take my test tomorrow I will more then likely miss Caila at hockey. Can you see I have some Mom guilt taking hold of me?

Direction

2009-02-11T12:06:00.000-08:00

We can use some.

Up-down-right-left

What's best for our family?

What is God telling us?

Please Pray.

Carrott, Egg or Coffee

2009-02-03T21:18:00.000-08:00

I "visited" Tyler's Mom today.

Tyler is one of Carter's Friends, I've never actually met her, someday I'd like to.

I needed this today.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.

She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling.

It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen.

She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil.

In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.

She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.

''Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled eggFinally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water.

Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.

However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak The egg had been fragile.

Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however.

After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.'Which are you?' she asked her daughter.

'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this:

Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?

The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.

When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes a long their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Today I wanted to be the Carrot, not willing to face the world. I hope tomorrow I can be the Coffee. After all I really like Coffee.

Thank you Tyler's Mommy for Sharing this with me.

Training for a Cause

2009-01-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

This could also be titled, I am crazy reason # 2.

After 18months of relatively no cardio activity I did it. Sat down, entered all my information and registered for the 20th Pittsburgh Marathon. My goal a few years ago was to run this on my 26th birthday. You know, 26miles at 26. That happened to be the year they cancelled it.

So now they've brought it back, and here I am trying to bring myself back. I think its a good first marathon back!

Some of you may remember my first Marathon @ Disney I trained for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. This time I'm not, just running for the fun of it. But today I thought why not run for a cause? Maybe it doesn't have to be directly related to the marathon.

How bout a race worth smiling for?

Two years ago when I signed up for Disney, I met E. She has become a wonderful friend. She is an amazing friend to many people. Especially Denise. You can read her story here. Last year E solely organized the first annual MS Miles of Smiles. She's at it again this year. I wasn't much help last year. But have vowed to do more this year.

This is where you come in. All our loyal readers. Well maybe the 20 or so of you. But you each have friends right?

Come join us for the Race at North Park May 1, 2009~ and bring the sunshine with you!
Live far away ~ Become a Sponsor get your team or company name on shirt~
Live nearby, but not runner or walker? Donate something.....

Most of All Pray for a cure...

The joys of being 10

2009-01-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

Its only been a week, so this may just be more about the general age then the number 10.
But, What a cool age!
If you asked me what my favorite age was I will generally always tell you
18months till about 3 1/2.
Everything is wondrous, and they begin to find words to describe them all. At that age Caila began to recognize every Target we passed. (Which Daddy quickly realized meant I was spending way to much time there...)
And with the loss of Carter and not knowing if I'll ever experience those joys of early childhood again I tend to dwell on them. Wishing I could have lingered in this precious moments I bit more.

Today though I realized something, this age we are entering, is so cool. She still wants to be with us, wants to play, color, read stories together, but now she reads to us the favorite parts of the books she loves at the moment. We can enjoy a family movie together thats not necessarily an animation put out by the House of Mouse. And even though she gave up napping at 5, sleepovers with friends, all day soccer and/or cheer competitions have returned the nap. So snuggled up with a blanket on the couch with Mom has once again returned.

I guess I'll end this post here, so I can return to the snuggling, and hold on to these moments forever.

Happy 1st Decade

2009-01-03T03:02:00.000-08:00

Exactly one decade ago, give or take a few we were en route the Hospital in Warren, Ohio. I think in snow. Right now we are getting up insanely early, for said birthday girls early morning soccer game (indoor thankfully!)

One Decade of life lived already. Crazy. As my a friend said of her daughters tenth birthday a few weeks ago, We've had her more years now then we have left. Scary, sad,exciting, requires a good bottle of 10year old wine.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! Do I get to take a nap today?

I'm Crazy or Happy New year

2008-12-30T19:59:00.001-08:00

I'm going to wish everyone a happy new year a day early. That's because I'm crazy. Really, actually insane.
You see on Saturday our Dear Caila turns 10. 10 years, a decade. I'll blog about that and what it means to the onset of my severe depression on her actual birthday.
But because she turns 10 on the 3rd, we thought that it would be a great idea to have a New years eve Sleep over birthday party.... Fun right?..... What fun loving parents she must have right? ....remember I said crazy. Just a few friends, really how many can come on a holiday.... How bout 10!!!! 10 ten year old girls~ for a new years eve sleepover birthday party. No we can all say it together...... I AM CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure I loved Sleep overs as a child, but then I had one that went terribly wrong. Something about a frying pan and a cat..... not used together of course..... I'll make sure to lock up both items for Caila's party tomorrow night.

For now i wish you all a happy safe new year eve, I'll "see" you all next year!

O Christmas Tree

2008-12-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

Relax & Enjoy the Holidays are here....

2008-12-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

Yippee, hooray I did it. Schools out for Christmas! I have spent this semester taking a math class in preparation for the Chemistry class I must take next semester, in hopes of getting into nursing school this summer. There I did it. I said it out loud. I am hoping to go to nursing school.
Forget about the part that it took me 'til 30 to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

So tonight I took my final ( and passed, tests still give me horrible anxiety), Caila has her last Cheer Competition of the year this weekend, most of our Christmas Shopping is done, I'm about to log off and finish addressing cards, make 9 or 10 dozen cookies for a cookie exchange, and head to a Christmas Party this weekend, and then I can sit down relax and enjoy this wonderful season with my family! How can you not? As I type this, its snowing the biggest fluffiest snowflakes, Caila's asleep on the couch, the dogs are asleep under the Christmas Tree, we have Christmas music on, Rob's finishing up some work I think its time we all raise a glass and toast to the miracle of Christmas..... Wait just a minute I'll go pour us all a glass..... 2009 is around the corner and I feel good things in store for the coming year.

OverAcheiver!

2008-12-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

Thank you Pilgrims, Settlers, Mayflower! Because of you we made a MARVELOUSLY, FABULOUSO TURKEY( if I do say so myself-which by the way exempts me from cooking next year, right?!) But now on to my favorite time of year.... Christmas!

I love everything about Christmas~ The birth Story of Jesus- baking~ shopping~ corny Church pageants~ and really just slowing down and spending time with family. I'm not really sure what began my love of Christmas, could it be that as a kid my Dad's company completely shut down from Christmas through New years? Maybe~ How cool was that? ~ Every daughter loves their Daddy so my wonderful husband had to trump my Dad with the working from home card~ So Caila will have, for the majority of Christmas Break, both parents home to lounge in pajamas and drink cider.....just like I did as a young girl... But I digress..... Could it be my Christian upbringing and much like retailers, Christmas is the "busy season" for the Church.
Whatever part of the season makes me love Christmas the best, it doesn't matter in my excitement we ran home from our Thanksgiving visit with family unloaded the car dragged down the lights and decorations and Tada! Fine! Caila spent Sunday with a friend so we finished up our Christmas lists....Overachievers? Maybe, but now I can spend the next 23 days snuggled by the fire with my Fam...... well a girl can dream cant she?
Just wait until tomorrow when those Christmas cards go out!

What Thanksgiving means THIS year

2008-11-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving. Pilgrims. Settlers. Stuffing yourself until you wish you could burst.

These are all the things that just the actual holiday of Thanksgiving means to me. The art of Thanksgiving however is different. Mirriam Webster online defines it as:

1: the act of giving thanks

2: a prayer expressing gratitude

3 a: a public acknowledgment or celebration of divine goodness.

Last year on Thanksgiving Day we felt we had so much to be Thankful for, the years of the pain of infertility we felt were behind us. We could let go, move forward. Only to lose that feeling 11 days later. So I'll admit its been a hard almost year for me/us to find or act upon any of the three definitions of Thanksgiving. The process of healing however requires that we sometimes take 2 steps forward, and 1 step back. That still means we are moving, doesn't it?

This year on this Thanksgiving, for me its defined in this way:

1: I am giving thanks this year for all of our friends & families New & Old that have supported loved and given space whenever we needed.

2: I am grateful for my husbands career that allows him the flexibility to kiss our daughter hello and goodbye before and after school- even if that comes along with my frustration of the mess leaves me in the kitchen, at least I know he's been home. I am grateful for my daughter because of her I am a Mother, and even though we lost a son there are so many still struggling to be given the title "Mommy & Daddy", and because of her we are blessed.

3: On Thanksgiving Day we travel to family nearby, and miss those far away that we will hold in hearts, and acknowledge how much we truly have, and celebrate the "Divine Goodness" of our Lord, because even in the midst of our pain, we know others are struggling with so much more, and pray for peace for them.

Happy Thanksgiving & if you have the time share with us what are thankful for this year.

Lovely Leaves

2008-11-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

Being a California Desert girl at heart, there are still things I miss more then a decade later. But the things that I love about PA can be really be fully described in one word: Trees!

Its not just about having a love affair with tall logs standing in the ground but all the things Trees mean to the landscape and the fun you can have with them.

Really though- I mainly love them because they give me the opportunity to take pictures like this.

I think I may need an agent to look at this photo... If I do say so myself ( whether its because the subject was so photogenic that day or because of the phenomenal photographer, I'm not quite sure yet! )

Friday Wrap....

2008-11-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

The beginning of this week I was really attempting to be a better blogger, maybe even right something every day. Just wasn't that kind of week. It's been a week.... Historical Election, Loss that I don't understand, and yesterday was 11 months since Carter became our Angel. That one year mark is just around the corner, no its just up at the top of the summit that I wasn't sure some days I'd see.
So we have declared this weekend to be purely stress free in the Rentz house.
Tomorrow Caila has her first Cheer Competition of the year and they are so ready. After which dinner out, a friends soccer game and a lazy night by the fire seem just about a perfect Saturday.

So in keeping with a stress free theme- If you see us- or talk with us-NO Drama family, world news or other, light cheery, sports, fashion,scrap booking or science (for Caila, she's obsessed right now) would be great.
And I wish you all the same a wonderfully stress free weekend with your loved ones.

Can we Start the week over?

2008-11-05T01:37:00.000-08:00

The beginning of this week had so much promise. Now I'm not so sure.

Today is not a good a day. I can’t begin to understand the choices our country has made this election year, and after a long sleepless night I just decided to give up and get out of bed. Only to find more bad news, fellow angel mom in California delivered her twin girls last night at 22wks Alexis heart stopped just prior to delivery, they were able to hold Ashlen for 2hrs before she joined her 2 sisters in heaven. She was too small for any extraordinary measures. Please pray for Jenn and her husband Rob as they now have three baby girls in heaven waiting for them. The pain of losing a baby is tremendous, and on some days I relive it as if it were yesterday but for Rob and Jenn they have now lost 3 in 10 months. Somehow though, she still has a sense of humor through all this and said “I really don't want to go back to work after this, so I may just quit my job and let Obama 'take care' of me, since he is spreading the wealth and all.”

They seem to have a strong faith, which doesn’t make the pain easier to get through, just possible somehow to survive.

Please pray for them.
This is where if McCain had been elected I could write something bright and shiny about how there's some kind of silver lining. McCain/Palin ticket would have been strong for families, children, babies - RESEARCH! NO MORE STILLBIRTHS! But how can a President that does not place a value on young life do anything to provide funding to stop this from happening?! But no, people were all mad and voted against Republicans instead for Obama I just hope it's not as bad as I'm imagining it will be.

To Start off the Week....

2008-11-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

Its Sunday... Tomorrow I'm officially starting my get back into my normal shape plan. We are starting a Biggest Loser contest at work. So here I am announcing that in the next 3months I plan to:

A) Lose 30lbs
B) Be able to run a 9minute mile for 10miles
C) Consistently get up and go to the gym at 5:45 every morning.
D) Keep everything else in our life together while completing this process
E) Run the Pittsburgh Marathon on May 3 2009.

So here is my motivation for this week:

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." --Author Unknown

Easier to read then to swallow!

Some Updates...

2008-11-02T17:15:00.001-08:00

Nothing incredibly new and exciting going on in our world these days. Except for well, the Jeep we purchased the 2nd week of January, because our paid off car just stopped working in the middle of Pittsburgh (we bought used, never again) is now in need of its second repair in less then a month. I'm soooooooooo totally done with Car makers that don't start with an T or an H! As my husband so eloquently put it.... "We are due for a break".... But we have our health, each other and warm home. Don't sweat the small stuff right? Trying...

My online friend and her babies are stable right now! She's approaching 22KS and they are trying very hard to keep labor at bay. Her water has broken and they are worried about infection! They need a miracle!

Tomorrow my church is holding a 24hr prayer vigil for beautifully talented 16yr old girl who is fighting for her life. She has struggled for years with anorexia, she was beating it, and now it seems to be trying to beat her. She is a a talented artist, with a big heart, but her body is so weak. She needs a miracle!

Tuesday is election Day... the rules of blogging are stay away from religion and politics, right? But really, I"m afraid of what will happen if the right man does not make it into the White House!

We all need a Miracle!

Flood the Gates...

2008-10-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

I am asking for the biggest prayer group right now. A friend, A friend that I've never met, an angel Mommy in Northern California needs the gates of Heaven to be flooded with prayer.
She also sent an angel to Heaven last December and has been blessed again with twins. Right now her babies and pregnancy are in jeopardy, she has dilated to 3 cm and her bag of waters is leaking and bulging. 2 baby girls 21weeks, need our prayers. Should she lose her babies this will be 3angels in heaven in less then a year. I am having trouble wrapping my head around this right now, I'm not sure how she is but some sense of peace seems to be around her at this moment. Please pray that they bring their babies home!
Her name is Jennell and her husband is Rob and they need a miracle and all of our prayers.
I need for them to have this miracle.

Wishing we weren't the strong ones...

2008-10-20T17:10:00.002-07:00

This is not a reference to what we have been through in the last 10 1/2 months as much as it for all those we know who are struggling right now. Also for those we don't know that have silent struggles.

Today at work I found out that a Co-workers wife died last night, after 3months of battling Cancer, yes you read right 3 months from diagnosis to death. Click on our Favorite blog Fat Cyclist and his wife is not doing so well either. Story after story unfolded today IRL and in blogger land. I heard the same comment over and over. "They are a strong family, they will be ok."
I know now that it takes strength, more then you thought you had, more then you thought could be given to you to make it through tragic, painful circumstances that life brings. Somedays though you look around, and yes just from the Outside looking in it seems that many lead a peaceful blessed life. Does that mean they lack the strength? I doubt it, but if so maybe I'd be ok being one of them, and our pain pales in comparison to many.
No matter the reason today I just kept thinking of my favorite verse from childhood. I can't even remember why it became my favorite, its has just always stuck with me.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Now if I can just remember that Gods' definition of peace is different from that of the our culture., then maybe I will make it through tomorrow.

And for three little girls that just lost their mother, please send all your prayers.

Proud Mom Moment

2008-10-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm a bad blogger, I'll never win any awards or have a big following. I'm not very good at keeping up. Guess that's why I never became a writer. But I digress. Not much new and exciting here.... just the normal hum drum of school/work/sport/weekend....Do the same over again.

Warning~ this our family blog so the rest of this post is going to be blubbering over with how awesome my daughter is....~ Don't worry tomorrow she will forget about a school project that's due on monday or loudly chew at the table and again I'll be normal frustrated mother of an approaching puberty daughter.... But for now ~ Please let me brag a little... :)

Caila plays 2 sports~ u10 Travel Soccer and Competitive Cheerleading~.

Soccer Mom Story(which is like being a Hockey Mom wouldn't it be great to have one in the White House! A real life Mom who understands? Instead of a Career Politician....Wow)
She has played soccer since shortly after turning 5. Until recently we were not really sure if it was her "thing". She doesn't necessarily have a competitive spirit, but her Dad does (not her Mom nope just Dad ). Sometimes it was difficult to watch. Until recently. Last Sunday, the day I decided not to take Camera/Camcorder she played the best game ever. Breakaway goal shot(went left and didnt get the goal, but the best shot ever) and then knocked to the ground rolled out and got up to kick the ball. We were sad to see the game end because watching her was so much fun.

Cheerleading Coach/Mom Story:

This will be her 4th season of All Star Cheer. All 4yrs I have coached in some compacity. Coaching your own child is difficult at least for me. No favoritism, which for me leads to being harder and expecting more. I will admit that she sometimes gets the short end of the stick because I the small success's parents enjoy I sometimes don't see as a coach. New year new us. I'm not coaching her squad this year. She needs me as Mom more then coach right now. So today was her tumbling day for cheer we dropped her off ran a few errands then I went to pick up. I do still coach another squad so I went in to watch the last few minutes of their session. The head coach called me over to watch what I assumed was a random cheerleader, that turned out to be my daughter. Today out of nowhere she gained a new tumbling skill. For 3yrs she has been doing a Round off Back handspring, or standing back handspring. Today she decided to throw a back tuck on the end of that pass.
She was so excited she was grinning from ear to ear, and I proud Mom, nearly cried with excitement. The video on my phone wouldn't load or I'd have it here for all to see.... maybe tomorrow. She needs this right now. Success. Energy. That feeling of knowing you worked for something and it paid off. She needed that moment of pure joy. And for me, it was the best feeling in the world watching her do it, and the hug I was given after wasn't so bad either!!!!!!!!

Overheard at the Bus Stop

2008-09-19T14:06:00.001-07:00

The weather is staying warm and all the kids at the morning bus stop have been bringing different things to entertain themselves.
Caila decided to take a football the other day to throw around with a friend.

A boy was caught watching her throw it and overheard by Dad saying " Wow, I've never seen a girl throw like that before!".

Long Awaited Updated

2008-09-16T20:11:00.001-07:00

Its not tomorrow, well it is I guess, but not the tomorrow I spoke of in my last post. Sorry to keep you all waiting... Here are the bullet points of our life over the last few weeks.

Fluffy-

Came home anorexic ally skinny and honestly I beleive near death. The elation of the cat actually coming home quickly turned to OMG she's back but she's not going to make it. So of course the compassionate animal lover in me quickly..... Became annoyed with the cat. Why the heck did ya' bother coming back if you aren't going to eat, or drink, or walk down the stairs to your bathroom? Huh? Why? --- Oh wait your a cat and can't talk back.... Seems like a great segway to Caila but I digress.... So for 10 days we fed her with a syringe. First Baby food ( I have a few leftover jars of Chicken noodle dinner if anyone out there wants it) and water because she wouldn't even drink on her own. Next we went to KMR which is basically milk for Kittens which she isn't she's probably 10 (adopted from a shelter you never really know their ages). The first few days she was a willing participant then she turned to growling which was the first noise we heard from her at all. Then I tried to spoon feed her canned Kitten food, still with a syringe. She began to fight these feedings but started to act hungary. We put some food out for her and behold she eats! Not quite that simple however, she will only eat if someone sits next her while she eats. Anybody need a C-... We are so glad she's home!!!!!

Caila & Fourth Grade- -

Two weeks ago Caila started 4th grade. Also the day the Cat returned. 4th grade. Wow. Hard to beleive.
We did our ceremonial pictures in front of the house and the group pictures, and all the Mom's cried as we do every year walking away from the bus. Really it seems like yesterday that we put her on the bus for the first day of Kindergarten and it seemed odd to be putting this tiny little person on a giant metal death trap, er, I mean bus.
She has started band this year and much to Daddy's delight is taking up the Sax and we love to listen to her practice everyday..... (Insert Sarcasm here) There was a time that I wanted her to play the Violin. I think the Sax will do just fine. Can anyone out there tell me what its like to listen to someone learn to play the Violin? I just can't imagine...

Never a dull moment

2008-09-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of 4th grade, I'll post about that tomorrow.

Now I want to tell you that..... FLUFFY'S BACK!!!! As of 10:30 tonight we have our little cat back.

Caila was already asleep and so we have not yet celebrated with her. We are cautiously optimistic however as Fluffy has been away for nearly 3wks and was a skinny cat to start. She is postively scrawny bordering on malnourished now and I managed to force feed her some canned food.

We are happy to have her home but are now clinging to hope and prayer that she gets healthy quickly as I couldn't stand for my daughters heart to break yet again.

More tomorrow.....

The Rentz Family Adventure....

2008-09-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

At the end of this post will be a video and picture slide show of our incredibly wonderful Labor Day weekend camping trip.... Oh wait sorry. Not gonna happen. You see we went Canoeing in the Clarion River and it hasn't rained. So the river was seasonally low said the driver of the unairconditioned van stuffed with 20 or so people plus our two beagles as they unceremoniously dumped us on the rivers edge. The five or so of you that read this blog~ I hope that you are all photographic thinkers as I set the stage for you....

The players....

My husband if you don't know us/him he is 6'4" think linebacker.

Our Darling 9 1/2 yr old going on 19 yr old daughter cheerleader/soccer star. Think athletic build.

Me- 5'4 Sometimes Runner, still carrying pregnancy weight see here for that part of our life.

Finally our two beloved beagles- Max Could Double as a pot-bellied pig and Erma she's still a puppy and in generally great shape.

The Stage.....

A River on the low end of low, a canoe and throw in some rocks for good measure.

Action~

All loaded up into the canoe we set out for a leisurely afternoon (knowing full well that canoe trips when your last name is Rentz do not normally turn out so well).

A full 30 seconds into the River Ride Erma (2 yr old beagle) launches herself into the river. Never having had her around any bodies of water we were shocked and amazed to see her swimming like a champ. We then load her back into the Canoe and continue along our way when....screech. Stuck.on.a.rock. Not a little rock either. Apparently I was not doing a good job of co-piloting this trip. We try to push off slowly... and try again... and again and then..... well, think TITANIC, ONLY NOT AS DRAMATIC. More National Lampoonesque. The canoe flips we are all underwater, including our dogs, the old boy is barely holding his nose above water.... my shoes are floating down river, the canoe fills with water... and...well...now as I type it hysterical laughter is hard to hold back...but any husband and wife out there can imagine, that hysteria of the comical kind was not happening at the moment... and to add insult to literal injury.... My favorite camera of the last 10yrs, was in husbands pocket at the moment of impact.... Toast! So no pictures to be had of all the comedy of errors... I just hope you entertained yourself with some good mental pictures!

Have you seen me?

2008-08-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Fluffy.... Our smallish, don't want to be bothered with people cat is gone. She goes on "adventures" as Caila called them when she was younger. This adventure is her longest by far. Last Sunday she took off and we highly expected to see her by Wednesday as is usual...she was spotted on Wednesday but she has not come home yet... If she makes her way to your house will you kindly return her?

Ten Years

2008-08-14T19:19:00.001-07:00

Ten years ago tonight I tried to go to sleep, but instead layed awake with my Mom wondering where life would take us. The path has not always been what we expected but I could not have imagined sharing it with anyone else, and I can't wait to dance with you at our Grandchildren's wedding on our 60th wedding Anniversary.

I Love you....

We love banana....boats that is.

2008-07-27T16:11:00.001-07:00

Returning home after a much needed vacation is always difficult. Especially tonight knowing we must return to work (especially when you don't find the work incredibly fulfilling but thats a post for another day). The only way to get through is to revist the activities of the week. For instance the above picture is that of family members riding the banana boat at ocean isle, adventurers I highly recomend. However for the not so ocean loving, or maybe the tricked into riding and getting dumped in the ocean, perhaps beware. However, adventurist 9yr olds may be found grinning from ear to ear following the end of the ride.... more vacation stories to be found in the coming days, stay tuned!

2008-07-22T05:28:00.001-07:00

No title for this post except for maybe.... a picture is worth a thousand words.
See the picture above aptly describes my face according to my lovely 9yr old daughter. As I was tucking her in last night after our 3rd day of a much needed beach vacation, she says to me in a dark room, wow mom your face is red..... You look like a Red Hot Chili Pepper....(insert hysterical 9yr old laughter at own joke at mothers expense here)..... I'm a sun lover, beach lover. Never has been any love loss between myself and sunscreen though..... Oh well, I'm off to catch another wave!

2008-07-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

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Welcome

2008-07-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

In my second attempt to create a family blog it seemed logical to go back to what I already know. So here we are back on blogger. I will still keep Carter's blog and post randomly about what he means to us. However, we are still a family, even if we are family with huge gaping hole, we are a family that is healing while hurting, and even while hurting some pretty amazing, mundane things can happen along the way.
We are a family, a Mom&Dad, Sister an Angel Baby Brother awaiting us in heaven, and 4furry creatures that I sometimes feel run our house. Who knows what life will bring us in the future, but for now we are moving forward enjoying the little things that we so often have taken for granted.