Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought,
without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love
their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have
read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this
child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are
those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I
will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound
of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I
am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take
another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying
for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this
insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child
that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God
leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better
wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister
because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body (and by my doctors). I have
been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood
tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in
order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in
theirs.
I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I
have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth
and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only
comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.
> ~Author Unknown

No comments: