Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Starting over.... Again.

The first question is will anyone read this? Since I am the possibly the world's worst blogger. Nearly two months.



Much can change in that relatively short length of time, and it definitely has. As I sit here trying to get all my thoughts into the blogosphere (sorryI'm not tweeting yet) I'm waiting for a return phone call. A phone call that will again change the direction of life the three of us. I could go into long emotional detail about how we arrived here;I could plainly layout the intellectual discussion that has occurred inside of me to find our family again in the land of uncertain futures.



I'm not sure that any of it really matters, to you the few readers left standing. The choice is the same. The outcome doesn't change so maybe fewer details are better.



Our Adoption Journey...... As I re-titled this blog months ago; is on hold. Our match is no longer a match and in the months since I last posted I've had time (maybe too much) to try and search and dream and reason. Gathering my composure a bit before I shared with our small blogging world.

Yes there is a story to tell, but I'm not sure I can tell it now. We are not sure the direction we are headed as a family, what is best for all of us at this point. What I do know is that a beautiful boy in the Philippines will not become a part of our family, but he will always be a part of our hearts. The journey we have been on over the last decade has not been easy. Pieces of me have been left along the road on the way, some have been completely obliterated and maybe if I really step back and look I can see the pieces that I have picked up along the way.
Time away gaining perspective may make those things easier to see. Perspective is really what I need most right now.



There are many friends that we owe thanks along this journey, if I haven't told you in person please accept my deep felt gratefulness for listening to my ramblings, excitement fear along the way. Had it not been for each of you we could not have made this decision with even the smallest bit of peace.

So for now I am counting down the days of my current profession, and looking towards beginning my journey in Nursing School. Caila is marking off the days until we take our girls only trip to see my family, and I'll leave with a quote from something I came across and maybe with a little perspective I will truly be able to feel this way....

"A small trouble is like a pebble. Hold it too close to your eye and it fills the whole world and puts everything out of focus. Hold it at a proper distance and it can be examined and properly classified. Throw it at your feet and it can be seen in its true setting, just one more tiny bump on the pathway of life." - Celia Luce

4 comments:

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

I cannot tell you how sorry I am that things didn't work out. I'm sure it feels like losing another baby. You're in my thoughts a lot and I appreciate you updating.
Kara

Anonymous said...

You still write so eloquently and have such a way with words. I will always admire that talent.

We will always be here walking which ever path you chose with you. Whether it is beside you, behind you or ahead of you urging you forward.

We love you all!

Bob & Sue

Anonymous said...

You are amazing, are you sure you are our daughter. Choices from the heart are true to the needs of your family. Don't ever doubt yourself, we love and support your every choice.
LUB- Mom and Dad

Anonymous said...

I know this decision did not come with any ease, but your mom and dad are right "choices of the heart are true to the needs of your family" and thats what counts. I will always support your decisions, and he will have a special place in my heart.
I love you,
Jenn